Splashing Martini & Zamzam

A Little Boy's Words of Wisdom

2007-08-23T16:35:00.000+08:00

* I found this short story in the net and instantly liked it.

He was just a little boy, on a week's first day.

He was wandering home from evening school,
and dawdling on the way.

He scuffed his shoes into the grass,
he found a caterpillar.

He found a fluffy milkweed pod,
and blew out all the filler".

A bird's nest in a tree overhead,
so wisely placed on high,
was just another wonder that caught his eager eye.

A neighbor watched his zig zag course,
and hailed him from the lawn,

asked him where he'd been that day
and what was going on.

" I've been to Religious School,"
he said and turned apiece of sod.

He picked up a wiggly worm replying,
"I've learned a lot of God."

"Mmm very fine way," the neighbor said,
"for a boy to spend his time."

"If you'll tell me where God is,
I'll give you a brand new dime."

Quick as a flash the answer came!
Nor were his accents faint

"I'll give you a dollar, Mister,
if you can tell me where God ain't."

-Author unknown-
Bella Online

The First Job

2007-08-17T17:03:00.000+08:00

* This one has nothing to do with my previous post.

My first job upon leaving alma mater was an executive at Times Publishing Group. I actually underwent my practical training there during student days. As I had performed well during the training, (haha they had no comparison though, I was the only student there) the GM offered me a job right away and that I was eligible to start working once I have finished my graduation course.

Alhamdulillah. I never had to experience ‘petik anggur’ period in my life.

I managed to survive the course with a hectic final semester behind me. I could still recall my final presentation speeches, the hardcover-bound thesis, assignments, art boards, presentation cubicles (we were each given a cubicle with partition to portray the art works and to decorate the space to our hearts’ content, this is a normal thing for design students) and the ancient gigantic printing machine at the lab. It was an old Heidelberg. I was from the faculty of Art and Design, majoring in Printing Technology and Publishing, UiTM.

So I started my first job at Times with gusto. It so happened that though my line supposed to place me in the production department, I spent my six-month-probationary-period in the customer service and marketing division instead, attending to clients that print their books and magazines at the large printing factory.

Simultaneously throughout the earlier months, I also did some planning and scheduling work for the printing jobs before gradually shifted to production planning work entirely. Production planners in Times however, still see clients occasionally to discuss their publication materials. My call cards read Production Planning Executive and that was how my production career officially began.

My job was to fully understand the nature of the publication, some important factors that the clients desired, and from there on I would work out a charted schedule and a whole commencing processes for the clients’ reference so as the internal production’s utility.

The preliminary meetings were exhausting. Since working with Times, I had never looked at any printed materials with the same manner again. Be it books, magazines, newspapers, brochures, pamplets, cards, corporate reports, note books, even Al-Quran, Surah Yasin, bibles, everything on earth that actually had to go through the printing machine. There was just so much work involved before they resulted to their final look now.

A group of production people, sometimes joined by clients, the more lenient ones would pass everything to Times to decide, will sit down and coordinate the format of the book with the urgency of plotting a war plan. What type of paper suitable for a particular book, was it paperback or hard cover, how thick the spine of the book would be, what method were they going to before printing stage, were they going to have the book marking string jutting out from the book, the printability results of the publication and so on. It required at least half a day of brainstorming.

The production planners were assigned to categories of publications that they to in charged of. There were local books, UK books, US books, magazines (only covered local and a few Singaporean mags), and in house books. Quite strangely in Times, ‘local’ defined as books originated from Malaysia, Singapore and sometimes even China. Perhaps they meant Asia instead of local, and the word local derived from the fact that these countries had a Times Publishing office. Books of UK and US were certainly clear as the name suggested, and ‘in house’ meant publication by Times Publishing Group itself.

I was the planner for magazine jobs, the planning and processes were slightly different from books. The most obvious thing about magazines, they were produced every month with bigger quantity than books. So, the turnaround days of production were very very short. Five or six days max to produce 60,000 magazines was a routine situation. Oh, that was for only one title, I mean the quantity. It was almost an unspoken thing that every single soul working in Times aware of, magazine planner’s job was very tough indeed.

Having mentioned that, ‘twas my luck though. When I first started with planning work, the senior exec that was doing magazines was offered a job at Measat Publisher, then all the magazines’ accounts were automatically making their ways to my fumbling two hands.

Times Publishing compound was significantly separated by two large buildings, publishing and manufacturing. My office was the one at the manufacturing wing. I went down to the factory countless of times a day, it was impossible to wear heels. I had mountains of papers on my table, documents related to job planning. If one magazine title needed one mountain of its own, thing was, I didn’t just plan for one magazine, not even two. I planned the schedule and production stages for usually seven to ten magazines at the same time!

The working-hour was from 8.30 am to 6 pm. Up until today, I’ve never been to a 9 to 5 working place, just for the record. At Times, the planners however rarely come at 8.30 am sharp. Our time was around 9 to 9.30 am, had to reach before 9.30 because that’s when the morning meeting started. Bosses never bothered about production planners’ working pace or punctuality. I even thought they were smart to hire responsible, enthusiastic planners in the first place.

Naturally everything had a reason. Planners had no choice but to attend and finish their jobs. Nobody said anything about them coming late, not even HR. You wonder? Wonder no more. It’s not uncommon sight to see a group of planners eating pizza in the office at 11 pm at night and they didn’t look like going anywhere even at that hour.

That’s why, I had no life other than my work for the whole couple of years I was there. Colleagues were friends, and my friends were colleagues. My mom once remarked, my profession was like a doctor. I was on call even on weekends. Some friends hated me because I didn’t attend weddings, I never could make it for coffee, I kept telling them I was busy, busy, busy.

It lasted until one day I realized I didn’t received any calls inviting me to hang out anymore. But the truth was, while the real people were enjoying their weekends, I was stuck behind some machines explaining to the loud and nasty fashion editor from Singapore on why the cover girl’s skin tone looked slightly burned and at the same time screwing the machine crews for completely ruining my pathetic weekend.

Right, I should mention this as well. This is quite interesting. When somebody in the office screwed up anything, do you have any idea how the bosses react? They’d scream fuck at you before started the lengthy lecture. Yes, the word. That’s a culture I guess. Terrible, but almost charming. After I left Times, I had never been to a place that I hear the ‘F’ word raining everyday. I’d have to say, I kinda miss that.

“What the fuck were you thinking? Why the hell did you let the book run without a fucking schedule being circulated to the bloody printing team first?!!” Okay, this one from Mr. Koo. To my ex Times colleagues that reading this, all of us know Mr. Koo was a very adorable boss, quite fatherly. Yet, that was his standard temperament when somebody made mistakes. He was the Production Manager. Left already, promoted as CEO at a reputable magazine publishing company.

Sounds horrible? Here comes the perk of the job paragraph. Everything happened so fast and furious at Times that it kept the adrenalines up, all the time. Being bored at Times was like putting air cond in the igloo. Never happened.

It was a huge directorate office that screamed urgency and importance. People’s attire was corporate and sharp. It’s really okay if you feel like all black, from shirt to skirt to pantyhose. Your colleagues couldn’t be more international, it reminded you of being at the airport departure station. There were a few Europeans as well as Americans, not so few Indians (you got it, from Delhi), Vietnamese, Chinese (from the Great Wall), Lebanese, Nepalis, at least those I can think of now. That covered from management, executives, other staff to factory workers. What have you, all there.

This is personal, but I worked with big names of magazines at that time. Those that impossible for you to never heard of, or probably never bought before. So go figure.

There could be hundreds of makeup launchings, cocktails, high teas, fashion shows and entertainment events like The Eligible Bachelors Night (oh that’s a big clue), Hottest Cover Chick thing.. I believe you get the drift. I was single, workaholic and just imagine being insisted by the boss to attend these events for the sake of showing professional support and simply to present the company. My boss’s exact words, just go, have fun and utilize the VIP invitations.

Half of the invitation cards were actually bearing the boss’s name, but Miss R couldn’t be bothered about those things. So all the time, she was more than happy to shove them over to my face while emphasizing many times that I should GO. I was more than happy to obey. But let us note, Miss R never forgot to ask me to brief her on the occasions the following day. Made me realized that, whatever they were, they were all about work.

It was a two years jammed-packed with jumping adrenalines, high blood pressures, low blood pressures, training, learning, torturings, sharping my skills, my wits, the arts of cursing, the arts of courtesy (with clients, especially), work dedication, it was everything that I ever wanted in a first job. Seriously.

There were people who told me, whom were quite familiar with the industry, once you have worked at Times, you would have no trouble adapting with working at anywhere else, whatever the weather be. They’d always be a breeze to you. Work could never be easier.

Some added, once you have worked at Times, you’ll never have problem applying for a job elsewhere. Provided in the same industry of course. Or, other companies that know the reputation of Times and it’s employees, of which I’m sure, quite many.

I remember being doubtful about these statements initially, and satisfied to find out that they were true, years later.

I met Bigfish when I was working at Times, that I had the chance to share some cherry-perks with him when we were dating. Hey Bigfish, remember the free movie tickets? The men skincare samples? The free magazines that I lovingly supplied to your sisters monthly for their reading pleasure? (Eh, kalau mag publisher baca ni mati aku)

Bigfish encouraged me to develop my career (and salary) when he found out I was already in my second year, my salary increment, and the fact that I called him to say goodnight from my office cubicle. That was when I started looking around which by some luck, landed a job in Karangkraf with a very good salary increment.

The job that was waiting for me at Karangkraf was something new, compared to what I did at Times. I was so teruja still, and I remember my last day at Times that was so melancholic. Leaving such memorable place, colleagues, and swearing bosses behind. The large factory and the vibrating gigantic machines were my playground, the nice akak-akak from the factory were my friends, the clients whose some became friends, some big players that left an impression. The first company that I served with my full drive and capacity.

I miss Times, and know without it marking my career path and as a fragment of my life, I probably wouldn’t be here. And wouldn’t be what I am today.

Alhamdulillah..

Can't you smell the bun in the oven?

2007-08-10T15:50:00.000+08:00

My favourite day of the week again.

Yesterday I (finally) told my boss about the pregnancy. He was flabbergasted and probably the word just popped out “Productive nya!”. On which I replied, “Well I happen to be very fertile..” I didn’t know what else to say.

We just talked about the month of December for ten, fifteen minutes. I’ll be due in mid of that month, and a newsflash that I learnt from him yesterday, that he’s not going to be in the office for the whole month. Of December. He’s going for Haj.

Good for him. Not good for my Christmas-celebrating colleagues though. I can sniff they are no way to take long leave, without me and the Production Manager around. No they can’t. Or perhaps the chance is extremely slim.

Then I told other colleagues in the same department, and some of the subordinates, I practically spreading the news like a virus. Especially to those that I’m confident will be more than delighted to kepohchi it around to many other people.

Reason being, I plan to start wearing my uniform (Read: maternity dress) next week and I don’t want to be hyper ventilated answering the possibly bombarding questions.

Yes everyone, I’m in my fifth month now and I’m just telling. I mean, 99 percent of the office only knew about my pregnancy yesterday. Spare 1 percent for my lunch mates, they asked so I didn’t deny. But with a pesanan penaja, do not tell everyone else. Bet you they didn’t. These editors, they are busy people. They always bogged down with other things in their mind, probably they forgot about it the minute they started doing work.

People were surprised at how well I kept it hidden. The tummy shows, I just never mentioned it. So don’t blame me if everybody is just, blur (blind?). Okay, the shawl helps of course.

Now that I’ve dropped the bomb then I can continue my life as a preggie more comfortably I hope. Meaning, no judgment on frequent MCs. Hello, I haven’t been taking medical leave during my first trimester at all, and I throw up every morning, sometimes in the dustbin. The washroom is far. Pantry sinks seem inappropriate.

Nobody noticed.

I know I sound weird but I promise you readers I have a very good reason as to why I was keeping this a secret.

That’ll be my next entry.

Bunga telur - Part 2

2007-06-27T12:04:00.000+08:00

My father once told me, focus on the end factor. Do not scrape back old wounds, the wisest thing I could do to my wellbeing is to forgive and forget.

The following day we were at Medan MARA to check the laser proof of my wedding cards. I brought two sticks of bunga telur along with me. The cards were fabulous. We stopped at a shop that looked crowded with hantaran, trays, glittery flowers and decorative beads were everywhere.

“Kak, ini saya ada bawak sample bunga telur. Berapa ya harga kalau akak buat sama macam ni?”

Belek-belek.

“Yang ni lapan ringgit, yang lagi satu ni lima ringgit.”

She remarked. I’m sure you can guess which one is lapan ringgit and which is lima ringgit.

“Okay, terima kasih”

I went to another shop just to confirm that akak, the one quoted me so cheap prices was not a lunatic. Guess? Same answer, only this time a ‘kak nyah’ that pointed my RM8 bunga telur as RM6 (the first akak RM5 je) , whereas the other one, RM10 bunga telur she/he can do for RM8.

So what do you expect me to feel that time?

I right away called N. Wasn’t picked up. I SMSed.

“Hi N. I am at Medan MARA. There are shops here that apparently can do the bunga telur, exact designs like yours, for cheaper. RM8 and RM5. Like this, if you can’t give me more discounts, is it possible for you to improvise them so that they match their value you quoted me, RM10 and RM8? Thanks.”

Some 10 minutes later.

“ Nevermind if you don’t like, can return back to me. Kalau ko taknak, ramai lagi yang nak.”

Hmm. Not exactly what I anticipated for a reply.

“ Okay then, if you said so. Let me know whenever you’re ready to collect. Thanks.”

Few days later, she sent a quick SMS to check if I was home at some said time to pick up the boxes. I thought, when she got here perhaps we could talk about this because I really didn’t want situation to go sour over some sticks of bunga telur.

But instead of her pulling out in front of my apartment later, a girl that I didn’t know was sent over to do the deed. And so it ended. We never spoken after that. Neither of us called each other again, and the planning during coffee that she was to coordinate my wedding day and so on just left as a bitter bit of the tongue.

There was a small shop at Medan MARA, ran by two pleasant akak-akak that did my bunga telur. Their workmanship was very fine and it’s obvious they loved memorable small details in their work. How nice. The gold ribbons were stringy and fluff, reminded me of candies, the decorative beads, glittery little flowers, I was delighted with the finished products. Alhamdulillah. I still ordered mix though, as I had to control cost from ordering all the expensive ones, 80 sticks of RM12 and RM10.

They had an abundant range of samples to choose from, and I just fell for these little babies, so nevermind lah, though a little over budget. Most important, I was satisfied. I did. And mind you folks, their selections were nothing short of tasteful too. Just a little problem, I gave them quite tight deadline. As I have given N to do them earlier, I didn’t have very much room of ample time anymore before my wedding date.

***************************************

A year later.

A good friend of mine from school and I were chatting over the phone. We covered all the general topics, giggled, talked about my then pregnancy, giggled, I nagged her to tell about her boyfriend, giggled.. yeah, you got it, girl-talk.

I didn’t quite remember how did we come to that but she later mentioned that a bad rumour was going around about me among our ex schoolmates. The rumour (fitnah?) sounded something like this.

I ordered bunga telur from N. N completed her job and two big boxes of bunga telur was delivered to me. Days later, I called N to return back everything because I can’t afford to pay the bunga telur. N was victimised but had no choice because I refused to pay since I didn’t have the money/ out of budget/ whatever. That I didn’t care eventhough all the bunga telur was already done. That I was a bitch-customer and so tak sedar diri, dah takde duit tapi nak beli benda mahal, and in the end, menyusahkan orang lain.

Hmm.

That came from a friend. Not long after that, another friend pulak, “Eh, I heard something la. About you bought something from N pastu taknak bayar. Betul ke?”

*************************************

Dear my friends, readers, whoever you are.

For years I have been keeping this to myself. I accept that being bad mouthed, bad rumours, wild gossips.. they’re all part of life. We really can’t do nothing about it. Why didn’t I fight back, stood on my right, gave them their deserved lash, quarrelled, called everyone to justify myself, make alliance, you ask?

I’m tired. I have a demanding job and a busy life. I have a husband, a little baby, I was fully breastfeeding, I am the house manager, I have to cook (everyday), give instructions to my maid and teach her, I have to do grocery shopping, service my car, plan our weekend activities and I have people reporting to me at work. And I always have Him to turn to whenever I’m feeling sad.

Yesterday, a thought crossed my mind. I don’t mind being bitched about. If it just attack me and me alone. My concern is those who are related to me. What about my family, my husband? Who is going to defend them when something not true like this being spread around and some people actually believed it? What about their dignity?

Those people must wonder, whoever have heard of the untrue version, if Mrs Bigfish can’t pay, what about her husband? Her family? Didn’t they help her? Or were they just as screwd up and irresponsible like her?

That’s the sole reason I write this entry.

Right until this day, I do not know who actually started the twisted version. I don’t quite see the point to find out. Was it N? Or was it somebody else who’s up to tarnishing my image, humiliating me? I understand how sensational story like this sizzles in a girls’ community. So I didn’t blame everyone else who listened and bought it, but on the person who started it, well you must have had a lot of fun putting mud on my name.

I might not forget, but I fully know I have forgiven anybody who did this. As for N, she’s married now and I hope she’s happy and have a good life. I was not invited to her wedding, if you’re wondering.

Thanks for reading.

Bunga telur - Part One

2007-06-26T12:35:00.000+08:00

A day after my second anniversary.

A little dash of my wedding reminiscence mode is still there, my friends, readers, whoever you are, I would like to make a clarification on something today.

My father once told me, focus on the end factor. Do not scrape back old wounds, the wisest thing I could do to my wellbeing is to forgive and forget.

It’s not in my slightest intention to dig out a buried memory, especially when it is not exactly a good one, alright definitely not, but I feel for once and for all, let me just tell what had actually happened.

This has taken place somewhere around three months before my wedding day.

Back then, I still stayed at my rented apartment in Subang Jaya. Through the innovation of webs and blogs, I found out that my ex schoolmate, N and a few of her clans were venturing into the wedding business. Cool. They had a blog for their services, and eventhough during that particular time their business fellowship and operations were really very new, I couldn’t help to feel proud and happy for them.

The best thing was, it was at that very time I was in the beginning to start full gear on my wedding preps, the planning, the cards, the decors, flowers, bunga telurs, souvenir gifts. This is perfect, I thought.

I always admire entrepreneurship spirit in young people. These girls were all attached with their full time job, and the wedding business was their brainchild out of hobby and passion.

When we were in school, N and I were not very close. I remember we were classmates though, but she was in my school only until Form 3 before changing school. Ahh those all don't matter I thought, her house is just five minutes away from mine and that should make our arrangements more convenient, and I was happy to support a new business of a friend’s. After all, I thought some more, rather than going to a total stranger and discuss about the most important day of my life, it’d be better to do it with someone I have known. Well don’t you all think so?

After a session of coffee and chat, the first item that I ordered from her was bunga telur. I recalled she was saying about somebody who was delighted and impressed upon seeing their workmanship, so without much fuss I confirmed 80 sticks. As norm has it, I did ask if she could show me some samples. She promised she’d bring that over the next time we meet, and assured me not to worry, because I would surely love their design. I finally ordered a mix of RM10 and RM8 sticks, for 80 sticks.

I was happy to have a peace of mind at least for a small part of the entire preparations. I had so many other things to think about, so a tiny baggage was lifted out of my shoulder.

N worked odd hours. It was an international company and her line of duty involved calling foreign countries so she was free when I was working, while she finished work at midnight, when I had to get up at wee hours the following morning. I remember it was difficult to actually see the samples that she promised to show me. I started to feel like waiting with bated breath.

Finally, she SMSed to go over to her place so she can pass me, not a sample, but how my bunga telur was going to look like, since they have started making them and everything was almost complete. When I received the SMS, there was a mild feeling to pass out, because I had no idea how the damn sticks gonna look like, and I had no choice to just accept them as N said I could collect them in a couple of days or so.

Okay, she passed me one that belonged to RM8 category, a cream coloured tulip (though I felt it was a bit too kuncup) with a string of thin gold ribbons and… well I think that’s it. It was very simple looking and I was surprised to know people were charging RM8 for something like that.

Initially, during the coffee, I mentioned I wanted the bunga telur to look somewhat fluffy.. and I remember using the word ‘kembang and meriah’, as I didn’t want my bunga pahar on the dias to look stiff. So I naturally refreshed her memory on that request, that this one didn’t exactly define my description. She firmly suggested this one was better, because this was the latest trend. As the one yg gembar gembur tu didn't look tasteful and that one simply old style, she stated.

I rationalized to her, of course I wanted them to look tasteful. Why can’t a fluffy bunga telur can’t be made tastefully beautiful? So after a few more exchange of lines, I told her to please make sure the RM10 ones look much better to compensate the simple (lame?) looking their RM8 sisters.

Now, let’s fast forward to collection. She delivered the boxes to my house. My first meeting with the RM10 bunga telur was not much different from the day in the before paragraph. I was slightly shocked but quite heavily disappointed. N was in a hurry during the delivery of those sad looking tulip thingy that laid stiffly in the carton box. Good thing she left early as I couldn’t pretend to like those sticks in the boxes that cramped my small living room. I frowned, and stared at the bunga telur for a long time before putting it back and took a long nap.

Bigfish and Suz my housemate, were sitting at my living room, both with a bunga telur in hand, like it’s a studied specimen. Suz thought they were not bad but the price was a bit like a highly commercialized business. I told her, this is a part time business of my friend, there isn’t a shop or anything. She settled “Okay, then that’s expensive for something like this”. Bigfish looked at the innocent bunga telur closely, “How can the labour cost be 50 or 60 percent of this? I mean, just check out the materials they used to make these.”

“You’re missing the point dear.. it’s not about the price. I just want these things to look nice!” I snapped. But now, they were not exactly pretty, and they were quite overpriced. I felt dizzy.

The following day we were at Medan MARA to check the laser proof of my wedding cards. I brought two sticks of bunga telur along with me. The cards were fabulous. We stopped at a shop that looked crowded with hantaran, trays, glittery flowers and decorative beads were everywhere.

“Kak, ini saya ada bawak sample bunga telur. Berapa ya harga kalau akak buat sama macam ni?”

Belek-belek.

***********************************

To be continued.

When two became one, became three, and more

2007-06-25T14:53:00.000+08:00

Two years ago, on this very date, two families gathered celebrating the union of two very different individuals that felt they can live together forever. The two said individuals are still feeling it though, the forever part is not up yet, but it’s been two years.

And loads, I mean loads, had happened within the couple of years. Beautiful things, wonderful things, precious moments, challenging periods… Alhamdulillah we weather the seasons successfully, two in one piece. Yes, we. Me and Bigfish.

I realize that I never wrote about my wedding day. That because I was way surpassed the appropriate timing and mood, and woosh! There it goes. Then it was too late for me to jot anything anymore. Amazingly I happen to catch it today, I still have my luggage of work but it’s alright. I try to actually create a decent post in half an hour. So forgive me for poor construction of lines, be it grammar or coordination. I’m a little disoriented, I feel.

I had my solemnization and reception both throughout the same day, from morning till night event. I remember the exhaustion, but I prefer to think more of the satisfaction and the happiness that last and buried in the deepest core of my heart. I simply love my own wedding. Yeah who doesn’t? Well apparently I know some that remember their wedding day as just another occasion to attend to. I’m not too sure what’s their problem, the couples do love each other very much, if you’re wondering.

Back to my wedding, I planned and organized almost 95 percent of the whole ceremony, preps, props, people and all. Okay, I give credit to Bigfish, of course together with him all along. Everybody offers a helping hand, or a piece of their brain, naturally, but I am more convinced with the way I wanted it to be. I had to have a complete assurance of what to be expected, I knew what came after another, and which followed whatever on the schedule, with all finery and meticulously detailed, by me.

So you can imagine how I took pride of my own wedding eventhough it sucked? Hehe. Thank God, it didn’t at all. It was a parade of scenarios exactly as what I pictured long before the day took place, intimate, personal, merry and beautiful. The day was glowing with happiness. Faces of people I love, and love me, and those of my husband’s. People commented the food was good too! Eh kena sebut tu..penting okay. Stomach – the way to people’s hearts.

My reception was at Saujana Resort, back then it was Hyatt Regency Saujana. That’s the place we first met. The hotel itself brought some sort of sentiment to me, I love the vibes. I always have pleasant feeling whenever I’m there.

How ironic karma can be? And now, Saujana Resort is practically at my office’s doorstep. All we need to do is hop, and find ourselves, the staffs of my office, at the dining table of Saujana Coffeehouse. That might be a little bit over, but the point is, I drive across Saujana Hotel every single day to get to the place that earns me my monthly credit.

Today is my second anniversary. In my prayer last night, I thank Him for the lavish of blessings upon me, I sometimes feel I don’t deserve this. A husband that’s always there, always. A man that after two years living together, can still stare at me when I was dragging my now heavy body from the kitchen to the large sofa, bringing a plate of nachos for him, and when I ask what he’s looking at, “I just love watching you”, he’d say.

Bigfish, I pray for a place in heaven for you, and for all your wishes to come true, and for happiness and contentment to always reside in your soul. I love you darling, with all my heart.

My baby, Aaqil, he’s simply an angel. At tender 9 months of age, this guy already understands “I love you” because he hears it so many times a day. And he now knows how to hug! Going home from turbulent office and to see him squealing with glee is… hmm.. maybe you can complete this one. I could ask for nothing more.

My baby inside my womb, we can’t wait for you to join us in this beautiful world. I love you, my little one!

What I have now, is what I wished for long long time ago. So you think I have no bad days? None suicidal moments at all? Heh you’re wrong. Had plenty.

Somebody told me to count my blessings, sounds like a huge cliché, but once I practiced it, I realize how supremely true it is.

Untitled

2007-05-14T17:06:00.000+08:00

I feel nauseous.

I feel dizzy, I feel tired, I feel weak.

I feel sleepy.

I feel incompetent, I feel forgetful.

I feel moody, I feel emotional, I feel sensitive.

I feel sad.

I feel ugly, I feel lethargic, I feel fat.

My mouth is drowning with saliva, my saliva tastes metallic. My face feels puffy, my tummy feels bloated, my head swings, everybody seems to have body odour, all food seem unpalatable.

The urge to vomit has been persistent since morning.

Damn, I feel like bloody mourning.

I feel down, I feel blur, I feel awful..

but deep inside my heart,

I feel grateful.

For All Mothers

2007-05-14T16:33:00.000+08:00

This is for all the mothers who froze their buns off on metal bleachers at soccer games instead of watching from cars, so that when their kids asked, "Did you see my goal?" They could say, "Of course, I wouldn't have missed it for the world," and mean it.

This is for all the mothers who have sat up all night with sick children in their arms, wiping up barf laced with Oscar Meyer wieners and cherry Kool-Aid saying, "It's OK honey, Mommy's here."

This is for all the mothers of Kosovo who fled in the night and can't find their children. This is for the mothers who gave birth to babies they'll never see and for the mothers who took those babies and gave them homes.

For all the mothers who run carpools and make cookies and sew Halloween costumes and for all the mothers who don't.

What makes a good mother anyway?

Is it patience? Compassion? Broad hips? The ability to nurse a baby, cook dinner, and sew a button on a shirt, all at the same time? Or is it heart? Is it the ache you feel when you watch your son or daughter disappear down the street, walking to school alone for the very first time?

The jolt that takes you from sleeping to dread, from bed to crib at 2 a.m. to put your hand on the back of a sleeping baby?

Is it the need to flee from wherever you are and hug your child when you hear news of a school shooting, a fire, a car accident, a baby dying?

I think so.

So this is for all the mothers who sat down with their children and explained all about making babies. And for all the mothers who wanted to but just couldn't.

This is for reading "Goodnight, Moon" twice a night for a year. And then reading it again, "Just one more time".

This is for all the mothers who mess up. Who yell at their kids in grocery store and swat them in despair and stomp their feet like a tired two year old who wants ice cream before dinner.

This is for all the mothers who taught their children to tie their shoelaces before they started to school and for all the mothers who opted for Velcro instead.

For all the mothers who bite their lips (sometimes until they bleed) when their 14 year olds dyed their hair green.

This is for all the mothers who lock themselves in the bathroom when babies keep crying and won't stop.

This is for all mothers who show at work with spit-up in their hair and milkstains on their blouses and diapers in their purse.

This is for mothers who teach their sons to cook and their daughters to sink a jump shot.

This is for all mothers whose heads turn automatically when a little voice calls "Mom?" in a crowd, even though they know their own offspring are at home or are grown.

This is for mothers who put pinwheels and teddy bears on their children's graves.
This is for all the mothers whose children have gone astray and who can't find words to reach them.

This is for all the mothers who sent their child to school with a stomach ache, assuring that they would be just FINE once they got there, only to get a call from the school nurse an hour later asking them to please pick them up right away.

This is for young mothers stumbling through diaper changes and sleep deprivation. And mature mothers learning to let go.

For working moms and stay-at-home moms. Single mothers and married mothers.
Mothers with money and mothers without.

This is for you, so hang in there. The world would be a terrible place without the love of mothers everywhere. You make it a more civil, caring and safe place for the precious children in our world.

Happy Mother's Day.

The Voice of Women, Bella Online

I heard Smallville is back in town!

2007-04-23T11:08:00.000+08:00

Gambar hiasan.

THE reason why I so can't wait to be home

2007-04-20T15:08:00.000+08:00

This is why.

No wonder I feel old these days

2007-04-19T11:53:00.000+08:00

You Are 33 Years Old

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe.

13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world.

20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.

30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more!

40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

Abou ben Adhem

2007-04-18T11:16:00.000+08:00

During one of our family tea time, I recall my father once said,

“..there are hablum minallah and hablum minannas. The relationship between Man and Allah and the relationship between Man and Man. We think we have scored, we have pleased Allah by wearing out the floor praying, or having a black mark on our foreheads. No, not that.. It will still come to nought if we hate and envy people, all these bad-mouthings, back-stabbings..and be hated by other human beings..”

“A true mukmin obliges to do his very best in both relationships. And sometimes, a great relationship with people is the very path to lead us towards a greater relationship with God. An excellent hablum minallah through a great hablum minannas. You know where it all starts..?”

He pointed to his chest, merely on the left side.

“Here”

I slowly nodded. A good heart. That’s where it all starts.

I watched my father sipping his tea, some tiny crumbled bits of ubi keledek cicah kelapa he was having stuck on his long beard.

My father. He’s not a religious teacher. He’s not an ustadz.

He’s a thinker, a philosopher, an educationalist, a retired principal and lecturer.

That was just an excerpt from one of our teatime conversation. That’s all.

***

When I was 8, I found this poem from an old book and fell for it. It’s so beautiful, moving, inspiring. Now this is a short poetry everyone should read at least once in his entire life.

It gets you in touch with your inner self. It interprets the wisdom of hablum minallah and hablum minannas. Menarik kan?

Abou ben Adhem

James Leigh Hunt (1784-1859)

Abou Ben Adhem (may his tribe increase!)

Awoke one night from a deep dream of peace,

And saw, within the moonlight of his room,

Making it rich, and like a lily in bloom,

An angel writing in a book of gold:-

Exceeding peace had made Ben Adhem bold,

And to the presence in the room he said,

'What writest thou?' - The vision raised its head,

And with a look made of all sweet accord,

Answered 'The names of those who love the Lord.'

'And is mine one?' said Abou. 'Nay, not so,'

Replied the angel. Abou spoke more low,

But cheerly still; and said 'I pray thee then,

Write me as one that loves his fellow-men.'

The angel wrote, and vanished. The next night

It came again with a great wakening light,

And showed the names who love of God had blessed,

And lo! Ben Adhem's name led all the rest.

Mommies and the Photostat Machine

2007-04-13T12:33:00.000+08:00

I was in the midst of photocopying some documents when my colleague, EL came by , holding a small pile of papers in her hand.

Our large copier machine cum printer which strategically situated at the middle corner in the office also functions as a catch-up spot for many of the office staffs. One may be waiting for her photocopies processing, while another is on queue for printing, so conversation surely strikes.

Suddenly came another editor, trying to squeeze in to staple her segregated papers, and she may join in the casual initiated conversation of the first two people. Then three of them will be seen standing by the operated machine, talking and giggling, before not talking to each other again for weeks, until they bump together at the photocopy machine, once again. Vicious cycle huh? No la, we’re just busy.

Back to EL and me. She came with her papers and naturally had to wait for me to finish. EL is one of the Maths editors, and she recently came back from her maternity leave. Wait, not so recent, actually it’s already a month. We used to talk and share about our pregnancy stuffs last time (both of us first timers), and since she’s back in the office, I haven’t gotten a chance to say hi to her until this morning.

Me : Hey EL! Oh my..I’ve been so busy, haven’t got time to talk to you since you're back!
EL : Ya.. No worries.. *smiling* Actually I also been up to my eyeball these few days.. with the books coming up and all..and I just heard Tan Sri wants to see Matriculation Maths series to be in bookstores in May..haiyaa..
Me : Ya lor.. *giggle* Heard about it too. So how’s your baby? It’s a girl right? What’s her name?
EL : Ohh..she’s good..The name’s EC.
Me : I see..who’s taking care of her when you’re at work?
EL : Babysitter. She doesn’t live too far from my house, around 4km away..ok la..
Me : Hey that’s not far at all. Good la..for you. So EC now, she’s 3 months already I suppose?
EL : Ya.. 3 months and..err.. *thinking* 5 days..
Me : I see. So what can she do now? Surely pro already ah, turning to sides.. (I didn't mention about breastfeeding being made known by her earlier that she's not interested)
EL : Mmm..I’m not too sure la.. Because I don’t see her that often..
Me : *confused* Oh? Why..?
EL : Ya laa..I send her off to babysitter’s house every Sunday and I pick her up every Friday night, after work..
Me : Ohh..*not too sure how to react* but you said the babysitter’s place not too far.. then why don’t you fetch your baby after work, everyday..?
EL : Ohh no la..you see after work, I get home already 6.30pm, and some more so tired..I don’t think so laa..
Me : *nodded, pretended to understand* ..err..but don’t you miss your baby?
EL : No laa..I don’t think I miss her that much.. *smiling, normal expression*
Me : Okay there... I’m finished. See ya around!
EL : See ya!

Hmm.. and I, on the contrary, going back home almost every lunch hour to breastfeed Aaqil, despite my busyness. Actually that’s an excuse, the truth is, I miss my baby.

I’m impressed that two mothers’ feelings could also generate quite a big equilibrium. I’m not saying who’s right or who’s wrong, but human individualities always enlighten me, in their colourful gamut of emotional perceptions, differences and mentalities.

Have a break, have a Three Hundred

2007-04-12T11:52:00.000+08:00

I'm not sure if 300 is still showing in cinemas. I caught the movie weeks ago with my husband and we enjoyed it to bits.

I highly appreciate a film that shows great spirit, bravery and fiery courage. The tension urgency of their battles, the desperation to stand on their own, their fierce love towards their people and lands..I can go forever listing the touching zest of their undying patriotism.

But good jokes never fail to make my day, no matter what.

Get this.

Frank Miller's 300 Outtakes

Spartan King Leonidas: You wear the crimson of a Spartan...
Hunchback Spartan: My father says it highlights my curves.

Hunchback Spartan: Why?! Why can't I join you?!
Spartan King Leonidas: Dude, can't you see the title? It's 300, not 301.

Clueless Persian Messenger: Why are they all in bikini trunks?
Clueless Persian Messenger: Hmm. We're going to what looks like a pool to me.
Clueless Persian Messenger: Pool party!
Clueless Persian Messenger: But where's the water?
Clueless Persian Messenger: Doesn't matter, I'll just stand by the pool.
Clueless Persian Messenger: Aight, this is where it's happenin yo!
*Leonidas kick*
Clueless Persian Messenger: Aaaaah! Not funny guys! There's no water!

Persian Messenger: Choose your words well, Spartan King.
Spartan King Leonidas: *silence*
Spartan Queen: *silence*
Persian Messenger: Well? Spartan?
King Leonidas: I'd like to buy a vowel please.

Spartan King Leonidas: Spartans! Enjoy your breakfast, for tonight we dine in Hell!
Stelios: So where's lunch?

*take 2*
Spartan King Leonidas: Spartans! Enjoy your breakfast, for tonight we dine in Hell!
Stelios: Can I order take out?

*take 3*
Spartan King Leonidas: Spartans! Enjoy your breakfast, for tonight we dine in Hell!
Stelios: With Sizz-
Spartan King Leonidas: God damnit Stelios, say one more witty remark and you'll be getting your dinner sooner than a 30 minute guarantee.

Spartan Queen: Spartan, come back with your shield. Or come back on it.
Spartan King Leonidas: Wait, that's like shield surfing right? Cowabunga, dude.

Spartan King Leonidas: Arcadian, what is your profession?
Arcadian: I play arcade, sir!
Spartan King Leonidas: You, other arcadian dude, what is your profession?
Arcadian: I'm a potter sir.
Spartan King Leonidas: Potter?
Arcadian: *puts on glasses and wand* Potter.

Persian emissary: The thousand nations of the Persian Empire descend upon you! Our arrows WILL BLOT OUT THE SUN!!!
Spartan: Haha. We should start considering inventing sunblock instead. Really.

Spartan King Leonidas: My queen. My wife. My love.
*Arrows attack by the millions*
Spartan King Leonidas: Fuck. How do I explain to her the holes in my shirt?

Spartan King Leonidas: Spartans! What is your profession?
Spartans: Ahoo! Ahoo! Ahoo!
Spartan King Leonidas (to Daxos) : See old friend? I brought more soldiers than you did.
Daxos: You do realize that your men couldn't even answer properly. Do you?
Spartan King Leonidas: God, I hate you Daxos.

Xerxes: The world will never know you existed at all!
Spartan King Leonidas: Wait till you see the movie they'll make about this.

Xerxes: *While striking a pose on his highness chair* Dig the bling, yo.

"YOU GONNA BE RAPED.."

Don't Look Back

2007-04-11T16:59:00.000+08:00

It’s just my thing. So let it go.

I love movies, and horrors are among my personal favourites. I love the chilly tension feeling and adrenaline rush a horror offers. I love getting home being extra wary and my imaginations run wild. I love cuddling my husband if the movie is really scary like shit. I like!

Since the trailer that shows a flying ghost on the move next to Pierre Andre while he’s driving, I was intrigued. And having been aware that Pierre himself, together with Ahmad Idham are the key people behind this Metrowealth production, I think they don’t look like stupid people so again I felt more invited to watch it. In cinema, no less.

Obviously I went to see it with high expectations. So I did some sms-ing, bought 6 tickets for us namely me and Bigfish, and another four friends, Jimy and his gorgeous wife Zied, Loy and his kawaii wife, Amy. Yes, we are the halal circle of friends, no less.

The movie opens with an exorcism scene at a kampong house, complete with thunder storm, harsh blowing wind and flipping windows. There sat a group of people with the possessed old man lying on the floor. The exorcism seemingly very simple to me, that the Pak Imam managed to pull out the evil spirit from the body quite effortlessly and discarded the ghost into a small bottle.

The bottle is the culprit of the whole thing in the movie.

Pierre Andre is his talented self, playing the role Darma very convincingly whereas the lead actress sucks bigtime. I don’t even know who she is and not worthy enough to be googled.

She’s more wooden than wood itself and she’s playing the dual roles of Rose the dead fiancé, and Rose’s twin sister, Seri. Too heavy for a newcomer like her. She fails to deliver her scripts with life, and her facial expressions are a gone case. She has this one fixed expression that seems to translate to “My twin sister’s dead. So?” kind of face. Simply blur.

The movie is scary at some points that it manages to startle the audience. Especially with the ear piercing shrieks that accompany the appearance of ghost (or the bottle) every single time. In my opinion, the scary scenes rely on the manipulation of sound effects a bit too much that finally it seems OTT to me. Something like trying to hard.

Our prime ghost is the usual kind, female form, fugly long hair, clad in heavily torn white dress. Extremely ugly, but not really that scary. I think. One can easily see the massive makeups, gallons of foundations and the latex mask. So the result left prime ghost with pretty stiff features that’s too artistically detail to be frightened of. It left me with a fleeting notion that ‘ghosts don’t look like this’, it interrupts my analytical brain, so I was all eyes to stare at the ghostly masterpiece instead of closing my eyes with chilling tension.

Now my favourite antics. Veteran actress Ruminah Sidek (I know her since she seduced P.Ramlee in black and white comedy ‘Anak Bapak’) plays Darma’s opah (grandmother) and I’d say she supports excellently enough. Her senile antics evoke laughter and providing a light side to the rest of the heavy scenes.

In fact, the scene when she asked Darma to bring over two glasses of water for her and ‘Darma’s friend’ whom she claims sitting right next to her right at that very time, somewhat worked for me. Damn, opah can see hantu in broad daylight!

The highlight of the film is when Darma was possessed and I’m sure he’ll be the next big thing with his very realistic writhing form and unfocused diabolic eyes. Eventhough by then audience will feel the triumphant moment of human over ghost, but the adrenaline rush it accommodates is not disappointing.

Having said all that, the film is not a complete write-off and I like that the film is not long winded with audience being bogged down with the puzzling storyline and the ghost making a fashionable show just a few times. In this one, you asked for ghost, they give you ghost. Like I told a friend, “One thing that I like about this film, the ghost just never stops attacking”. And it’s true.

However, while the film is successful in building it’s ghostly atmosphere that walks hand in hand with the story flow, there was a scene that really doesn’t serve any narrative purpose and and exist solely to generate more tension, and more ghosts. What’s the deal with the faceless family in the elevator?

This element, though actually kinda scary (family ghost really presses my button!), it is in no way or another related to the prime ghost. Suddenly such good reputable faceless ghosts has become a minor, and I believe ‘The Faceless Family’ deserve a movie of their own. Yes I dig spooky flicks but ‘hantu undangan’ is quite a turn off, if you ask me. They define desperation in a film.

Leaving the big screen, the girls seemed to have quite a scary journey throughout the movie which I had anticipated for myself, and whilst I enjoyed it to some extend, I can’t truthfully say that it worked completely for me. The husbands looked quite indifferent while mine annoyingly just laughed. Hey give some respect la, this is a horror!

I still haven’t found anything that can beat Ju-on the 1st, Japanese version of course. I recalled I was taken by the scenes for a couple of weeks. I actually used a blanket instead of my usual comforter worrying there’s something creeping inside the thick cover. I didn’t flip my hair while shampooing because I imagined what if I felt an ‘additional’ caressing hands on my head?!! Ju-on was also the pioneer that introduced to the world the scary-shit crawling ghost with hair that goes forever. Ju-on rocks!

We all went home right away after the movie. That was about midnight. The following morning I woke up and continue my life without imagining anything that inspired from 'Jangan Pandang Belakang’. That’s when I knew, in a way, it failed me.

Very important note: I like ghost movies only. I'm not fond of real ghosts.

Weekend in a flash

2007-04-09T15:00:00.000+08:00

It was a fun-filled weekend packed with activities and family get-together time.

By family, I mean my nucleus family of three (or is it four?). Me, my two babies i.e Bigfish and Aaqil, not forgetting my maid in tow, Dana.

On Saturday we spent the afternoon at The Curve which is technically a walking distance away from our place. Not that we ever walked there. Having mentioned that however, our Korean family neighbour are always in sight walking to Tesco every weekend with their little Shih-Tzu. They seem to be having a good time. I told my hubby, strolling is good. But not for him though, not in this life.

Just for info, Tesco is a stone-throw away from The Curve.

We had tea at Teh Tarik Place which serves very tasty mee goreng mamak, crispy roti telur and just nice teh tarik to quenched with. It's the new mamak cafe with Asian touch, not bad really, but the location is fairly hidden from the busy eating walkway. Somehow, if you stand right infront of Royale Bintang entrance, just pan your head to the left. It's there.

The following couple of hours were at Borders, doing our so-called relaxing activity, fished out 20 books from the shelves and have a free reading. We were two of those people who consider bookstores as public libraries. Unfortunately always in the end, we were still two of those people who bags home over hundred something valued books that we thought really must-haves. We kinda supposed to be on a budget, especially on books. *sigh*

I was once chowed down mee goreng Indomie with half boiled egg for three straight days for lunch after buying three expensive books at one time. Note: Mee Sedaap sambal goreng memanglah sedap! Telur rebus sebijik, sprinkle chopped spring onions for that ala Nigella flair. Hoho I can live with that..!

At 4.00 pm, still at Borders, there was a loud announcement about a storytelling session for children organized by Julia Gabriel Learning Centre. At the time the announcement was made, it was another half an hour away before the session starts. Having been familiarised with this children-development establishment by my monthly flipping over Mother & Baby mag, I insisted my husband to wait and participate my baby among other raving kids at the platform corner inside the store.

Apparently the little kid is smarter than his over-eager parents by choosing to doze off at 4.28 pm. Since we’re not insane parents that force and wake up a sleeping baby so that he can listen to ‘Thomas and His fellow Carriages’, so we left the bookshop after 5 minutes of storytelling, enough for me to make my evaluation. Upon that, I firmly decided to come again next Saturday with a mental note of Aaqil’s sleeping time arrangements so he’ll be all wide awake and enthusistic at 4.30 pm 6 days from now.

Saturday evening, us and two other couple friends metup at Cineleisure Damansara to ‘Pandang Belakang’ though have been warned not to. So it’s Jangan Pandang Belakang. The whole thing derived from my idea as I’m a sucker for scary and horror flicks. Bigfish finally let himself to be dragged along after having listened to my not-so-short speech about Malaysian movie industry, Malaysian viewers’ responsibilities and how it relates to Malaysia economic situation in the end. Letih kan I suddenly have to be a programme host of RTM1 just to get my hubby to watch a Malay movie.

Anyways, there we were at the cinema. And please find my short unofficial review on the movie after this post. Thank you.

We started Sunday with my polished fried pasta. Yay! Finally I have perfected another simple dish inside my pro-cooking list. (Got only two, Bolognese pasta and here, fried pasta. Terer kan?)

I throw fresh button mushrooms, celery, carrot, minced meat, some oyster sauce, a little Lea & Perrins and finally sprinkled with chopped spring onions..voila! This is breakfast in the purest sense. Hehe. Delish ok!

Afternoon, we still are not finished entertaining the very much energetic little Aaqil so we took him to Bangsar Village. On a side note, Aaqil’s mommy was the one who can’t wait to check out the talked-about Bangsar Village 2, where the high end stores chose to be nested. Not bad. The best is the transit Skywalk from the old wing to new, it’s so like the one at KLIA. Same architect ka?

Gymboree Bangsar Village is the place to be if you wish to send the little one to play and socialize with other little people his age. Fully equipped with play gym, music sessions and dedicated instructors, Gymboree offers classes from newborn (wow!) to 5 years kids. With colourful ambience filled with laughter of excited kids with their just as excited parents, I wouldn’t have think twice to sign Aaqil up for a session next week. Looking forward to the fun it will bring!

***

I just finished reading my initial paragraphs from the beginning to the word ‘bring!’

I’m astonished to the person who wrote it, so laid back, positive and she seems happy with where she is now. Being a wife and mommy.

I always think there are so many things I want in life, so many that I am yet to achieve, and ohh do I have plenty of flaws. And the thought of it sometimes make me forget that I have just as many other reasons to be happy. I do not know that I am happy enough. I have to read my emotions with my very two eyes to actually realize it. It’s easy to be dissatisfied with the general analysis and measurement made by head for matters in the head. Dissatisfaction easily led to ungratefulness.

And I believe ungratefulness is the ultimate ingredient to mess up a life.

Hopefully I’ll survive well on today’s Monday.

My External Heart

2007-04-05T17:13:00.000+08:00

Before I was a Mum
I made and ate hot meals.
I had unstained clothing.
I had quiet conversations on the phone.

Before I was a Mum
I slept as late as I wanted
And never worried about how late I got into bed.
I brushed my hair everyday.

Before I was a Mum
I cleaned my house each day.
I never tripped over toys or forgot words of lullabies.

Before I was a Mum
I didnt worry whether or not my plants were poisonous.
I never thought of immunizations.

Before I was a Mum
I had never been puked on
Pooped on
Spit on
Chewed on
Peed on
Or pinched by tiny fingers.

Before I was a Mum
I had complete control of
My Thoughts
My Body
And my mind.
I slept all night.

Before I was a Mum
I never held down a screaming child so
that doctors could do tests
Or give shots.
I never looked into teary eyes and cried.
I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.
I never sat up late hours at night
watching a baby sleep.

Before I was a Mum
I never held a sleeping baby just
because I didnt want to put it down.
I never felt my heart break into a
million pieces when I couldnt stop the hurt.
I never knew that something so small
could affect my life so much.
I never knew that I could love someone
so much.
I never knew I would love being a Mum.

Before I was a Mum
I didnt know the feeling of having my
heart outside my body.

(Emailed by Maya, thanks girlfriend!)

Aaqil

2006-11-17T14:46:00.000+08:00

OMG today seems to be the longest day in my entire career.

I love Friday, I also loathe Friday. Love it because it's the day before Saturday, loathe it because I can’t wait for Saturday. As you can see, it’s a complicated feeling. So I decided to just bore myself surfing the net, actually worse than that cos I’ve practically seen every web address available so I googled people’s name. Like my friends, my enemies and such. The repercussions not too bad. And of course, while blogging away.

I am now equipped with new status and lifestyle, that’s mommyhood. Before I splashed further about me savouring my new consuming life to the fullest, Selamat Hari Raya to whoever reading this, near and far, together or solo, mommy or no, my very best wishes to all.

Back to my story, I’m sure many are aware of the birth of my baby in September. I’m not going to elaborate the details of my labour in this post as I plan to dedicate an exclusive post just for that, if I have the mood and time. You see, last time I always blame pregnancy hormones over my forgetfulness and incompetency, now my newfound reason would be mommydom. Seriously I don’t need people’s justifications for any action of mine as I believe I’m now holding a worldly responsibility in my hands, being a mommy and wife. It’s beyond juggling. I’m a superwoman, yes, and I don’t own a single bottle of Sunsilk.

Aiii my jari ni becoknya, tak sampai-sampai ke my story..

Anyway, just for info ringkas, I delivered on September 10, 3.05 pm at SJMC. Bigfish and I bestowed a great name for the boy, and we call him Aaqil. You may just call him that. I don’t know why I’m protecting my baby’s privacy by not revealing his full name here for every single soul passing by this area to see, but that’s why this is an anonymous blog.

Aaqil’s weight was 2.98 kg upon delivery. Today he’s a thriving baby boy as a 9-week-old and a whopping 5.5 kg little person. He could lift his head on Day 2, and turned his body to sides on Day 5. That sparkling stony grayish-brown eyes are just as adorable as his personality.

He doesn’t cry much at all! In fact there are days when we suddenly realized, “ Eh, Aaqil tak nangis-nangis lagi, dah nak masuk 3 hari dah ni!” So the next time he wanted milk, we just held it a little longer, so he cried. Normally when he gives signal for milk, I’d be running with my special pillow invented for that only purpose, to breastfeed him. He had nothing else but just my milk. Must be yummylicious, I’m sure.

During his first two weeks, as norm has it, people were flowing to visit and most of them said that Aaqil inherits most of daddy’s features. I agreed. Aaqil looked just like daddy Bigfish. His serious expression, his frown, the charm of his stare, and oh that chin. That quail egg chin, he should pay royalty to daddy! Almost everyone said, “Sebijik macam Ajim” here, “Sebijik macam Ajim” there like echoes from the back of hills. And slowly, discreetly, perhaps while we were all sleeping, Aaqil’s face gracefully changed. Today people look at him and didn’t think twice before uttering that he looks like me. Heheheh

Or maybe the face decide to change again dunno lah.

What else about Aaqil eh? List of his favourites; bathing, having his milky meals at mommy’s boobs, lazing around at mommy’s boobs between meals, passing glances at mommy’s boobs whenever had the chance (thinking to laze around la tu), watching people and objects, cooing and gurgling. Hates; delay of seeing mommy pull off a sprint whenever time to milk, late cleaning his poo poo, delay bathing him, and sakit perut. Practically opposites of his favourites. Being 9 weeks in this world, he’s amazingly smart and hygienic that does mommy and daddy go wahhhh wahhhhh all the time..

Sudah-sudah la tu memuji anak iya…

Time to puji myself now. I think I have coped up pretty well with motherhood and all the works that come in the package. Despite being very self-focused (‘selfish’ is too harsh a word to use on myself), self-centered ( ‘stuck up’ is even meaner), and horny.., I have transformed to be this melt-hearted mom, breastfeeding him every night and day, waking up at night to hush him when he’s not comfortable with the room temperature / previous dream / silence / loneliness, cuddling and rocking him gently inside my arms, make silly faces until I’m surprised to find my lips are so elastic, I read to him, I sing, the list goes on... I love my baby much more than I love myself. I know this line is so corny, and what a cliché, but you know what, I swear I mean it.

What about my husband?! Ha tengok, I forgot I have a husband.

My darling Bigfish has been wonderful, in every way, in very sense. He’s always there for me, helping and supporting. Lifting my spirit when I was down with disappointment and exhaustion. Seeing him suddenly go all mushy mushy with the baby brings my hand to my chest and my head to the shoulder, always. He as well has magically transformed from this rigid uncle that should be given a manual of how-to-bergurau-with-kids to… hmm, you just name it, mommmoommoo, wooowoowo, daaddaaddaaa, lambung-lambung, lompat-lompat.. semua ada.

My first day to work was a real drag. This already my second week. And I’m worried the security camera has recorded seeing me daydreaming one too many times. They should understand la right, I just had a baby. What fun do I get from approving some lousy book estimates or chasing editors’ asses to dateline rather than teasing my baby and being rewarded with that beaming toothless smile? I might as well threatening the editors to hang them to death for not submitting their work upon dateline. Haa.. that can give some spices to my job satisfaction. But I can’t be too rough, kang orang kata gila meroyan pulak. That’s the challenge in being a new mom. Hhmmm..

Well, shall we go back to work then? (suddenly I get paranoid with that watchful hemisphere shaped device at the ceiling)

Have a good Friday ahead, weekend and g’luck in surviving the ever-so-evergreen Monday blues three days from now!

Me, me, my tummy and me

2006-09-08T15:58:00.000+08:00

My bengkung had finally arrived from Rawang, one whole complete postnatal set of NR already delivered to me safely, with strong jamu aroma and all, one broccoli looking strand of akar Fatimah (thanks very much to lovely Seed!) already soaked overnight, ready to be consumed after work today.

What else?

One big fat emergency labour bag waiting by the front door, attached with a smaller bag containing the cord blood collection kit. Oh yea, the most important thing, one rounded looking preggie mommy waiting anxiously by the head of our wrought iron bed. Great, looks like we’ve got em all prepared here.

The countdown has slimmed down to 11 days. Another 11 long days to go. The emotions have settled down to ‘mixed’ now, which I’m sure will last me right to the Big Day. I’ve got nervous here, also scared, happy of course, curious, overwhelmed, impatient, and sometimes don’t want to even get there.

My world currently exclusively revolves around a tiny circle of me and my tummy, nothing else. I don’t care about anything, I don’t think about other worldly stuffs that much. I wake up, have breakfast, continue on my August closing summary which I’m taking the slowest pace possible to finish (‘cause it’s fun to do and it’s piece of cake and I don’t want to move to other task) (*on another note, next week will be my final week before the beginning of 60 days maternity leave, yay!!), go home, have dinner, pray and mengaji, watch TV and my day ends with a massage session by my baby Bigfish everynight before I doze off.

And blog, whenever I feel like it. Life is much simpler now, which everyone says to compensate the hecticness and sky-high energy level needed once the baby gets here. On the other hand when the physical luggage has taken on the lighter side, the emotional luggage piles up. That’s why I still feel so mentally..occupied. I guess its rather common thing or probably more or less expected, in ‘this’ condition.

Well let’s move on to something else, shall we? Now I’m presenting my first ever self-centered quiz for those out there yang dah takde keje sangat sampai sanggup membaca ini semua. It was emailed to me by my colleague and I was supposed to reply back with answers bla bla bla, you know the works. I got her to check my blog instead. Here goes.. (better do this kind of stuff while I’m still childless, being a mom and doing this is pretty ‘kurang sesuai’ to my ethical perception..)

1. If you could choose your own name, what will it be?
Damn..first question dah tricky. Mm..maybe Rumpelstiltskin? Heheh.. probably my same ol’ name. It’s different, not-feminine, good-meaning and heavy sounding enough for me to carry it.

2. Are you funny?
My hubby said he fell for me because I make him laugh, a lot. I don’t think I’m a hilarious person, but I know my spontaneity can translate to funny exclusively to those who close to me.

3. What's your favorite movie(s)?
I’m not taking this, my favourite movies are beyond explanation. Conclusively, I’m one who loves movies. Period.

4. How many piercings do you have and where?
Okay.. the info here is not something that I’m proud of since this involves my experimenting instinct that took place some nearly 10 years ago or so. I had 6 on both ears, one on nose, one on belly. Today, only the conventional one on each ear which I adhere to.

5. What's your favorite TV show(s)?
Sex & the City that I rarely caught on TV. DVD collection series is more like it. Oh yea, I follow The Apprentice too. During Ramadhan, I always find myself fond of Jejak Rasul. No kidding!

6. What's your favorite cereal?
Kellogg’s Almond flakes & Oh’s Honey graham.

7. Do you speak a language?
Are you crazy? So the human race communicate via sign language everywhere, izzit? Of course I speak Braille and write Malay, English and few doses of French with a little Mandarin. A side note, I know ‘f*** you’ in at least 8 languages. Does that count?

8. What's your favorite piece of clothing?
My hubby’s boxer. Oo this got me thinking, can’t wait to hook down those nursing bras I bought. Suitable for peek-a-boo game.

9. Do you have a boyfriend?
What do u mean?

10. Have you ever cheated in school?
Absolutely. Sorry if u never.. u missed all the fun then!

11. If you could put a spell on anyone to fall in love with you, who will it be?
Datuk K, and make a press appearance of rejecting and humiliate him to the core.

12. What's your favorite time of day?
Sunset. Because there won’t be night without sunset. And I love it at night.

13. Do you have an accent?
The Johor accent adopted from my 5 years being there seems to never fade off. “Tu ari masa aku pergi sana belum sale lagi mungkin…tapi tah la ek?”

14. What's your favorite food?
This another hard one. Okay, I guess I prefer fish of all. And I have sweet tooth. Can never get enough of chocolates and cakes.

15. Has anyone ever thrown you a surprise party?
No..?? mm..let’s see. I was once practically kidnapped by a bunch of friends for a birthday night out.. it’s not a party, more like a bday treat. Or to be exact, a night out. Not made up, messy hair ( I mean this), dressed in a sleazy t-shirt and oversized Bermuda. (I mentioned that was a kidnap!Abduction! Penculikan terkeji!) They thought it was thoughtful and fun. I thought that was mean. Don’t know why I love those monkeys.

16. Who are your favorite actors and actress?
Angelina Jolie, Uma Thurman, the foursome Sex & the City gals. U know, I actually kinda like Ida Nerina too. Actors? Used to be Johnny Depp, now none.

17. What are you wearing right now?
A flowery maternity dress. So the makchik!

18. Have you ever met people you met online in real life?
Yea.. some cool, some drool, many many fools..

19. Do you think you're smart?
I’m a numbskull. hahahahahha

20. If you get a chance to be a leading role, which film would you wanna be in?Err.. Kill Bill?

21. Can you cook?
I cook 1 or 2 dishes marvelously.. and that’s about it.

22. Have you ever cheated on a boyfriend/girlfriend?
Yeah.. in my past life.

23. Are you messy or neat?
I’m a perfectionist. It's either extremely messy or extremely neat.

24. What's one thing you've always wanted to learn?
If you had ask me 5 years ago, my answer probably be ‘fight with Samurai sword, or play electric guitar or simply to pierce people’s body parts’. Ask me now, I would very much want to learn how to bake fantastic cakes and cookies using my new oven. Impressed with how much I’ve changed? Yep, me too.

25. Do you smoke?
Never interested to.

26. Have you ever had a serious celebrity crush?
None serious but few pretentious crushes. This celebrity stuffs doesn’t really do for me. I like real people. heheeheheh

27. What's ONE thing you will NEVER do?
Unlove my family. Ish..ish..sentimental sebenanya aku ni..

28. Do you drink?
Just cocktails. Occasionally. Perhaps i couldn't anymore.

29. Are you shy?
No. And I’m lazy to elaborate.

30. What's the most fun you've had recently?
The seafood dinner with Bigfish, Mr. & Mrs An and 2 junior Ans, Mr & Mrs Jimy. Food’s great, fantastic company.

31. What's your favorite smell?
My husband’s.

32. Do you like your family?
No. I love them. Hei soalan apekebende laa.. ingat ni rehab centre ke?

33. If you could trade places with anyone for a day, who would it be?
I have issues with this kinda questions.. I guess I’m so contented enough being me. (I’m pregnant and easily pissed)

34. What was your favorite cartoon when you were little?
Nasib baik soalan2 bodoh cepat di kaver dgn soalan camni. Okay (kembali girang).. Thundercat, Jem, err Inspector Gadget also I liked.. all fairytales I loved.

35. Do you ever want to get married?
Tah la ek? hehehehehehe

36. Do you want kids?
Yea.. y’got a few to give out?

37. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal?
No I don’t. I burn stuffed animal. Keep yours safe.

38. What's the worst class you've ever taken?
Biology. It’s not Biology, it’s not me. It’s the teacher. I didn’t get her. At all.

39. Do you pluck your eyebrows?
Yup just pluck, never shape em.

40. What season do you like the most?
Air kotak brand Season. (That's it. I’m getting bored now..)

Fuhh..there are more questions of course. But I believe I’m done till right here. What they say is true, a pregnant woman can always get away with anything..

Cheers to a bright weekend!!

What do Troy, Sparta and Ithaca have in common?

2006-09-06T14:04:00.000+08:00

“Men are haunted by the vastness of eternity. And so we ask ourselves; will our actions echo across the centuries? Will strangers hear our names long after we are gone, and wonder who we were, how bravely we fought, how fiercely we loved?"

Odysseus

Entrance voiceover

How fiercely we love?

Hmm..i like this one. To be frank, I’m sort of a literature freak. History, classics, plays and poems have always been my passion. I recalled taking English Literature subject when I was in Form 4, it was a small class of less than 10 students, still was a cool one nevertheless. During mid-year unfortunately, while we were in the midst of eagerly reciting poems and interpreting complicated short stories, the teacher moved to different school (that if I’m not mistaken, I forgot, blame it on the hormones).

Apparently she was the only available teacher (or perhaps the only one qualified) to teach English Lit. subject. Well then, as you may have expected, the small groupie of literature freaks were given options to change to other subjects. We all ended up taking Art Studies, where at one point found ourselves boggling and entirely boxed up with a chocolate box, the legendary Coklat Manja. Of course, that’s a different story altogether.

By the way, last night Bigfish and moi caught ourselves watching Troy again on HBO, hence the lines taken from the movie. Besides the lines, there’s a couple namely me and hubby, really taken by the movie as well. To both of us, the entire storyline is interesting as it’s closely based from the Greek history (yes, we did our research), and the story itself is the epitome of great determination, great spirit, bravery, patriotism, courage, LOVE.. and of course, the stupidity that can be evidenced by ‘great love’.

Also, this post is like a nudge and wink to those in the know. Something to do with our coming baby. *wink*

..whom I’m sure I’ll love very fiercely.

“If they ever tell my story let them say that I walked with giants. Men rise and fall like the winter wheat, but these names will never die. Let them say I lived in the time of Hector, tamer of horses. Let them say I lived in the time of Achilles.."

Odysseus of Ithaca

Troy (2004)

22 more days to go..

2006-08-28T17:49:00.000+08:00

Beautiful morning today!

At 6.58 am, Kin sms me telling she’ll be on MC today. I woke Bigfish up and whispered to his ear that we gonna have breakfast together this morning, ie. he has to send me to work. Upon reaching the office, we had breakfast at the Peremba café. Both of us ordered roti canai, mine with sambal sardin. I’m not shy to admit I kinda like the food served at the cafes here (there are two), and that makes me especially grateful. Yes, I have worked at places where there are no comfortable or palatable eating places within 1 km radius so again, thank god for these cafes. And I’ve mentioned about the food. I’m so contented enough.

It’s going to be a relaxing week since boss will be on leave until Merdeka Day. Relaxing can be defined as no-rush paperwork, keeping to my pregnant pace, the ability to accommodate more to my pregnancy hormones and going to pantry more often to make Milo. Bonus: no need to cover-cover when dipping biscuits in Milo like 4 times during working hours. I’m happy.

Had quite a fun weekend. Along organized a family barbecue party and I remember stuffing myself up to the point until I had difficulty to breathe. Wasn’t that tragic? Everyone melahap selahap lahapnya because the juicy grilled meat kept coming and seemed never ending. Takkan nak membazir kan.. Angah’s hubby, Amran is on holiday here so it’s really meriah having everyone around. Amran is attached with a firm in London and soon Angah will transfer there as well. Really gonna miss her.

Back to the barbecued foods, besides loads of marinated chicken (Giant marinated chicken is fantastic! Cold Storage marinated anything stinks!), banana leaf wrapped marinated fish, sotong on sticks, lamb shoulders, grilled veges (tomato and bell peppers), we also had Along’s specialty Apple Crumble and her signature Mashed Buttered Potato. I ate a single portion (or more) of everything and please keep reading to see what happened at the gynae.

Right after the party, was my appointment with Dr D. Baekk punya timing. It happened my urine was so concentrated and right away I was warned not to have barbecued food being afraid the meat were not thoroughly cooked. I recalled the juicy red coloured chicken meat I was savagely tearing at the party and kept quiet.

Now the moment I looked forward to, the scanning of the baby was going on very well. This time he looked down that we can’t see his face. The last time scanning we managed to catch him sucking his thumb which to me is very cute! While he was at that, he lost the thumb and went a bit frantic as he doesn’t know how to get the thumb back into his mouth once again.. ohh..so super damn cute!!

Dr said he’s not entirely engaged yet, meaning his head is not roomed in the middle of the pelvis just yet, so naturally I still have about two to three weeks to go. Now my appointment is once a week. By the next appointment, by right the baby’s head should be engaged, or the probability I will give birth slightly later than the due date. That’s not something bad, but doesn’t sound good to me neither, so I should be studying how to bring on labour naturally before or on my due date, not after. I mean, this has been long enough okay.. I whined in my heart.

Ops time for me-mommy to go home now!

Cheers!

Hazy Saturday

2006-08-28T10:48:00.000+08:00

Saturday 26 August 2006, 2.35 pm

Pre-preggie, one of the thing I love most about Saturday morning is waking up late. Hmmhh..the feeling of natural morning wake, without alarm buzzing by my ear, shut mobile, closed curtain. I remember waking up at 11 feeling refreshed, satisfied and glowing.. did a little stretching before shower and straightaway headed to lunch.. ah.. heaven.

Ok now, as I mentioned in earlier post good sleep is a long lost friend of mine that I miss dearly, so by 9 am I couldn’t continue sleeping anymore, in fact I can’t stand even lying on the bed any longer. It worsens my back ache. Upon waking up I wandered around my house, I don’t know why I did that, maybe because I’m just plain blur or simply habitual. And normally will end up at the balcony. I stayed there no shorter than 10 minutes.

We were lucky to get this apartment unit. The view is breathtaking..at least to me. My husband always says the view is only ‘very nice’ but he never used the word ‘breathtaking’. Standing at the balcony, you have a direct angle above the pool area, which garnished with lots of greens everywhere. They planted so many trees it gives the pool a really cooling resort ambience. The sound of waterfall splashing above the pool water from the pillars add tranquil to the whole effect. Looking left, we get the view of newly-rise starting price at 750K Armanee Terrace, and busily under construction Metropolitan Condo on the right. We also get a peek of the main road going up to DP. And the sky, we also have a wide spread of blue sky with the hill bearing the big sign of DP at our left. Our unit never gets direct sunlight except during mid-day as we are blocked by the building in front of us and of course, in the evening the sun sets behind our building. So I get to stand at my balcony to just savour the view at anytime of the day. By the way, 10 minutes usually will do. If there are none naked people hanging by the pool. (According to our management office, there were cases where a couple of foreign chicks swimming topless at our pool okay.. that adds extra points to my already ‘breathtaking’ view..heheh. Of course they were shooed off *sigh*)

Naturally I got hungry, so this morning I just had bread and milk. Bigfish had left earlier to the Tropicana driving range. He was back while I was having my lame mini breakfast. He already had his at the golf club. Sitting on the plush couch, we talked as a regular man and wife do about our plans and agendas for the day.

As eager and excited as I was, I nagged my husband to assemble the baby’s playpen while I nominated three drawers inside our wardrobe for baby’s clothes and essentials. Wow, it’s baby stuffs checklist day! The playpen (or playard) was setup like a breeze, thank God. Both me and hubby are not fond of assembling / setting up any complicated anything, we love good product manuals with clear instructions and good language, and we don’t mind paying people to fix anything that involves a hammer. Our time’s too precious laa..heeheee..alasaann..

The playpen looks fabulous standing in the living room. We bought it at The Curve, there’s this shop opposite Mothercare that sells imported baby equipments. Naturally I forgot the name of the shop (blame it on the hormones). We initially planned to look for Graco models but on that day we just fell for this one. It’s by Simplicity for Children (Travel Tender series), light brown colour, complete with hanging little sheeps and vibrating mattress. The musical mobile plays nursery rhymes when we set to ‘Playtime’ and classical tunes when we set to ‘Sleep’. It also comes together with a mounted changing table, easily foldable and everything can be stuffed into the travelling bag provided. Cool huh?

In the US and UK, it’s a national rule that they wont let your newborn baby leave the hospital if you don’t have a proper car seat installed in the car. Haa..takut tak.. In Malaysia semua baby selamba je dukung bawak balik. Instead of a separate pushchair (stroller) and car seat, we got the two in one model by the name of baby travel system. Nama cam gempak ek. But this so called system thingy is actually a baby car seat that can also be mounted on the pushchair for that extra convenience so that you don’t have to unstrap a snuggled sleeping baby from the car seat in order to remove to the pushchair. The carseat can also doubled up as a baby carrier. Ours is a dark brown with black finishing Graco that looks so sporty even me would love to have a ride in that pushchair. Alahai mak buyungg..

Then of course we have the other items, the tiny baby clothes, nothing pink hehe, blanket la, bedding la bla bla, bantal golek segala.. I also purchased a newborn baby bottle set from Avent. Most probably I can only afford to breastfeed my baby exclusively during the 2 months maternity leave before he shifts to formula milk.

By the way, I still bought a breast pump for any just-in-case situation or should we have a plan B when the baby gets here..I used to think this breast pump gadget sounds scary but fortunately it looks quite user-friendly. I got a Medela Harmony sweet corn-coloured manual expression pump..cant imagine I’ll be using that..

Since we foresee the baby will be doing quite a travelling, with Hari Raya approaching and from mommy’s house in Pahang to daddy’s in Malacca, now that we have the car seat part intact, baby also has a cool diaper bag. We got it at the same shop where we bought the playpen. It’s by GR8X (Great Expectation), black colour and doesn’t look very baby-ish. Something daddy Bigfish wouldn’t mind carrying in public, I too will look like a soccer-mom carrying the bag. Heheheh.. it comes with soft padded back straps that can conveniently be hidden inside a zipper pocket should we wish not to use it. It’s not too big and bulky so easily can sumbat in the lower compartment of the pushchair. Lots of compartments and best feature is the insulated pocket to keep milk or food at the desired temperature.

A note of advice to anyone reading the blog, baby stuff can be pricey so belilah masa sale, like me. Hehehe

Ok time to get some rest at my balcony to checkout the haze and naked people by the pool yang tak pernah ada..

Cheers!

After a While.. (Part Deux)

2006-08-25T10:03:00.000+08:00

What a hazy morning!

Friday has always been my favourite day of the week since..mm, since I knew the word forever.

The reason being.., ah should I actually state the reason? Because the reason is the only reason available, it is the day before Saturday, that’s why.

When I was a student, be it during primary, or secondary even in university, Friday seemed so laid back, so special. The classrooms were noisier on Fridays, more people (actually pupils) walked around like eagerly going to somewhere (maybe just to the toilet, to hang out there)..I don’t know but it seems to me Friday is such a celebrated day. Nobody looks gloomy on Friday, a scene like bikers with kain pelikat without helmet happens that day. And oops, I almost forgot, longer lunch! That’s the best thing since my career years, it’s a TGI Fun Day!

This morning I woke up feeling like my chest has sank down to my knees. No it’s not Friday, it’s chaotic hormones reaction that causes nausea and lethargy in third trimester of pregnancy. I gathered all my strength to shower, get dressed and waiting for Kin’s missed call. Bigfish looked so adorable still tergolek on the bed hugging his bantal golek, fully absorbed in his morning dreams. He came home at 11 last night. Almost everyday his working hours is massive, 9am-11pm. I do not wish to bother him with additional task of sending and fetching me everyday to work, unless whenever he offers to, that is when he’s more free. I gave him a quick good morning kiss.

Kin is my colleague, and she’s the one whom I go to office and back everyday, since last two weeks that I was advised not to drive. I was combing my hair when she called, so I left the apartment with full reluctance. I was sleepy still, my back hurt, both my legs felt so weak and trembled. I still was going to work though, despite all that. Know what's the best thing, this is my standard feeling every morning, shall I repeat, every morning before leaving to work. I feel like wanna cry because really tak larat.. but I’ve no choice.

Well perhaps I have. I could take unpaid leave. Or, start savouring my maternity leave right now and opt for unpaid leave later. But I’m the new kid on the block here, so I feel obligated to make an impression or something of that sort. A good one, of course. The company has been so kind by taking me while I’m heavily preggie and gave me auto-entitlement for paid 60 days maternity leave (just so you know, that's not a normal procedure, especially if one is in probationary period).

So can I just tahan a bit? That’s why I have to blog, I guess. While sporadically reviewing all these orders, invoices and cost cards before approving and pass to account for August closing.

Friday is normally my gynae appointment day. That’s when I get to see my baby moves, hear his fast heartbeat and analyse how big he has grown within these two weeks. It’s a session that I look forward to every time. Except today, me and hubby are going to our 4th cum last session of antenatal class at 8pm. Today’s lesson is about care for the newborn. I know it’s going to be interesting, can’t wait! My appointment with Dr D will be delayed to tomorrow, if Bigfish is in town. My husband probably will be going on a day trip to Ipoh to attend Man and Ina’s wedding. Or else mommy can only see you baby on Sunday okay. Hang in there my brave Aaqilles!

After a while.. (Part Une)

2006-08-24T15:00:00.000+08:00

What brought me here again?

My last post was published about a month before my wedding day. And today I am so established-ly married, heavily pregnant, changed job and pretty much settled at my good-view beautiful condo. I am also, sooo fat.

Where have I gone to? Should I say I’ve been busy?

Yes, very.

Been very busy that I simply couldn’t allocate any minute for this blog..?

Nope, that’s wrong.

I simply not up to writing. To blog. Y’know, something like that.

That pulls me back to my question, what brought me here??

Okay, you see, it’s the feeling. That feeling to write, to express, and to look back at it printed online as if it’s a monument. When it’s read again, it feels like looking into the life journal of a perfect stranger, which is ourselves. Besides craving for cakes, cookies, loads and loads of chocolate, ikan patin masak tempoyak or anything that I’ve been having these days, I crave this. Blogging.

I’ve been thinking about this since last night.

Well then, hello me! How am I? I’m good, thanks. Okay let’s just run through a quick update. I am me, still me, married and for these past few months I’ve gained weight. A lot of it, 15 kg to be exact as of time of writing. (Just weighed myself yesterday)

I’m in my 36th week, I’m hungry, always, my condition doing much better than the last 4,5 months. I live in Damansara now, with my husband and my precious womb, also with our diabetic maid which has to be sent back to Indon, for good.

I am now working at new workplace, which I have joined for over 2 months. It’s a book publisher, and the going is so far so cool. ( I am promoted here, better figure on payslip too):)

I eat bars of chocolates like they’re peanuts (oh I’ve mentioned that somehow), I no longer drive to anywhere (tummy too big, no room in between steering wheel), I have swollen feet and my back ache is killing me. Good sleep has been a good ol’ distant memory to me.

Yes folks, I’m pregnant! There are moments when I feel like giving myself a nudge and say, “hey u’re about to be a mommy” and got some more “ so stop being bloody crazy” some more “ and lazy”. Then suddenly I feel, wow.. it feels like yesterday I was 21 and still studying and going clubbing and all. Today I’m about to become a mother of someone. That’s such an overwhelming feeling okay.. nothing in the world could beat that..not even that quiet sinking feeling during your akad nikah all comes second now..not even Beat TV.. nothing..

I am fat, and people say I look good being in this condition. Yes I know what you’re thinking, people just want to please me given the patience and sufferings that I have to endure, well I used to think it’s that too. But you see, maybe people honestly mean that. After all, I choose what I want to believe, ain’t it..? heheheheh

Now some interesting trivias about my pregnancy;

- Due date is calculated based on the date of the first day of your last period, adding some formulas to it which something like adding here minus there which I have forgotten by now, the result is my husband’s birthday, 19 September. I know it won’t necessarily be accurate, but I still think it’s cool. :)

- According to our gynae when asked of when exactly did the conception happened (sperm entered ovum), it was 1st January 2006. We celebrated at PD, bonking like rabbits. So, it’s practically a ‘New Year Fetus’! I think that’s cool too. My it really doesn’t take much to amaze me since!

Apa lagi ek..

- This might be only coincidental but I personally feel more murah rezeki since the moment I found out I’m pregnant. But then again, it could be just a feeling. Or with the fact that I pray harder since, I don’t know. Whatever it is, I try to always count my blessings and stay grateful for every second of my life.

Just so you know, during pregnancy the hormones gone chaos. Besides actually affecting us physically, some people have eczema (sort of skin allergies), some suffer from gestational diabetes, and many more issues that come and go, apparently it will affect mentally too. I am very the forgetful since I’m pregnant. I might not be the person with the clearest head though before I was, y’know, berbadan dua, but at times I can be so absent minded and this forgetfulness sickens me. That’s why you see loads loads of Post-it stickers sticking to my entire cubicle. I sticked them around, with hope they will stick to my mind too.

Every Saturday in this month is our antenatal ritual, for me and me hubby la. We were briefed of the signs of labour, caring for the baby, breastfeeding (and we got to see this really silly short French documentary that shows OTT impressions of the importance of breastfeeding. It ended with a picture of a stalk of rose being placed next to a gigantic breast, sort of to compare women’s breasts as precious and beautiful as a rose but OMG the presentation is so lame and sad to say.. very foolish and funny). We were also taught the breathing technique and exercises to do during pregnancy and labour. I think every first time parent should opt for this class as in my opinion we really can gain something out of it apart from the books and mini quotes from people around us. It seems that when you’re pregnant though, suddenly people have so many opinions, and they do tell you that. Yes, even from strangers when you’re queuing at the food counter for example, don’t be surprised if you get some "Ini anak nanti mesti kulit dia cantik” or something like "Tak sakit ke pakai sandal ni dik, kaki nampak bengkak tu patut pakai selipar je..” or even “ Banyakkan minum air kelapa sekarang, nak”

..shall I mention again, these came from total strangers.

I’m pretty restless, sometimes annoyed by this waiting game. Accurately, I’m 26 days shy from my exact due date and people say it could happen earlier, much earlier as two weeks before. These Braxton Hicks contractions are tormenting and unexpected, my tummy is so heavy, my hip hurts like mad whenever I walk and I can no more toss and turn on the bed without squawking in pain. Not to mention the mental anxiety.. but well, they say patience is a virtue.

Oh September seems so far away…

Adalah dengan itu..

2005-05-10T11:06:00.000+08:00

When I looked at the calendar just now, I realized that I am now just counting days to be wedded to a guy who crazily proposed to me. And when the day comes, there falls the five rukuns of nikah, the bride, groom, 2 witnesses and the wali. Also a mosque, but this one not a rukun, just a monument where that special event will be taking place.

Unlike the norm of other Malay wedding ceremonies, at least come together with a pair of big festive kenduris and all, mine will not have that. It’s going to be just one consolidated reception of mine and Bigfish’s sides, attended by mainly our families and close friends. Basically, it’s an intimate occasion to engrave the memory of that day, when two persons, two souls, merge as one. Just the way I picture the whole thing to be, small and beautiful.

Here I am, writing to sincerely apologize to any readers, especially my current colleagues, ex colleagues in Times, my ex college and university friends, my dear ex schoolmates d’ STF gals, friends everywhere, each and everyone of you…

I’m sorry that I couldn’t invite many of you to my wedding in June. I really appreciate all the wishes, advice, guidance, pointers and most importantly the blessings from all of you. Thank you very very much.

Have a blissful day everyone!

..mad and knackered

2005-05-05T18:58:00.000+08:00

Yayayayaayayaya…

Yes, true, this blog is not happening at all. But then again, it’s mine. And if the captain is soo not happening, ‘pening’ got la because being overloaded with work all the time, … what to do right.

So here it is, another post dedicated to no one else but me, to put myself back on the ground. To keeping track of what had happened to me lately, or just came across my path.

I’m still getting married, ya, despite a few huge rows that I had with Bigfish. That said, I’m still as short / hot tempered as ever. And never change. And wanting to change. So I really hope someday I will change.

Actually, I’m the one who’s always been difficult. I’m impossible. I tend to get angry over little things, and unfortunately Bigfish has to take all of it. My spared, previous or even future anger (that happens when I’m worried about something and I know I’ll be angry later), all were shoved down to Bigfish. Pity him to have a girlfriend like me. Oops, no, fiancé.

O ya, that is also one issue. The other day I introduced him to a long time friend as my boyfriend, by mistake, and he unpleasantly highlighted that to me later. And I scolded him back. See, what a bitch I am. Can I call this uncontrollable ‘anger attack’ as jitters? Yea I know that’s one unreasonable irresponsible lame excuse.

I’ve been extremely up to my eyeballs especially these two weeks. The wedding preps, marriage forms, the exam preps, the anonymous preps, the never ending workload…. God, I feel so knacked it’s draining. I even look ugly these days, like something caught up in a drain. Hair is now frizzier than ever, and just last night I noticed my face looks like a portion of ground from Jelebu, when I scratch it leaves a line. You know, even my face needs rain!

I sat for TOEFL last Tuesday and GRE paper on the day after. That’s why today I feel more relieved and a bit loosen up. It feels like just let go of a Kancil that was parking on my shoulder. TOEFL was fine but the latter one was bloody tough. Y’know, to me. The strange-sounding English words (ie. crepescule or moribund or cantankerous …. Shoot!) and the quantitative test was like what??!! Ni hape nih, janjang? Persamaan serentak yg complicated? Log log yg memang naik lalog kapla memikirkannya?! Hishh..sedangkan masa blaja pon dah agak biol mende2 nih, ni plak skarang yg dah nyanyuk nihhh..

Hahaaa, just imagine. I was close to breaking the PC yet I remained calm and collected and blasah the questions like mad. ( It was a CAT, Computer Adaptive Test, the more stupid you are, the easier the questions get. If you’re clever, the questions will try to fuck you until you get it wrong, y’know something like that)

Like I promise, to whoever would like to see some pictures of mine wearing almost white, here it is, http://freelancer79.fotopages.com.
Hmm, this is too advance from what I promised. I mentioned to officially disclose my engagement photos after the birth of my first grandchild, didn’t I?

Hehehehehehahahahahahah… have a good one, people!

When the phone line is engaged..

2005-03-15T11:24:00.001+08:00

Am now Bigfish’s fiancé.

Yup I know this rosy feeling already lingered for more than a week, but the spark of that day, of that moment his mother embraced the ring to my finger, is as fresh as a blink ago.

March 5. The ceremony went on fantastically. It was a smooth, happy and harmonious occasion. With the flowery decorations everywhere for the joyous mood, and my newly painted house to set the scene, I thought the whole thing was simply beautiful. Many from his side pointed out the event itself was very well planned and organized. They mentioned the food’s great too.

Being an intimate occasion, attended by only our immediate families and a few good friends, it’s a breeze to be attentive to each and everyone of the guests. His family is simply a bunch of really nice people, I see. I took the opportunity to get to know better the cousins, aunts and uncles of his. The parents just as wonderful as ever especially the mom, she even reminded me not to forget to take picture with Bigfish now that I have on my nice white kebaya. I just giggled. In fact, I giggled a lot throughout the occasion.

Why, because for some reason, I was nervous. That’s why I have to laugh as a tool to cover up my panic and frenzy feeling. Imagine a cartoon in white kebaya with lacy gold trim. My embroidered golden yellow shawl that never stopped slipping down from my hair (padahal rambut kasar je macam dawai, taklah sunsilk pun), that finally just settled on my shoulders instead of my head.

Bigfish has three sisters and one younger brother which of course I’ve met all of them few times before . Along’s married with two cute little girls, Angah’s married sometime last year if I’m not mistaken, no kids yet and hubby now recently attached with a UK company residing in London. Bigfish’s younger sist, Kak Chik is the one he’s staying with now in their apartment in Desa Pandan. Apparently, the sisters are all pretty. I’m not saying this because they are the major women in my dear Bigfish’s life, but they really are beautiful sisters and I can’t stop admiring their faces. Hmmm..

The bro is the youngest, recently graduated doing Architecture and now temporarily (I guess) working with the Big Bro in his project management company. In short, when I hang out with the family at Along’s in Alam Damai (which also stands as the family HQ), having tea with them, I feel so at home. The way they talk, their topics, their mentality, their general concern, just like my family. Wait a minute, I think my family is noisier, because we laugh more and louder. My dad can be extremely hilarious at times, and I’m his protégé. Ya, if you know me, I’m a pretty cartoonic person in life, though my writing is dull. Maybe because I always find myself in a slow-wind, peaceful temperament before starting to write anything. Also could be I’ve to be in that state, then ONLY I can even write.

Back to the engagement thingy, after the discussion, followed by menyarung cincin, doa and finally a serving of big spread traditional lunch. Gulai lemak daging, ayam masak kicap, ikan patin masak ompok (this one is really Pahang rooted traditional dish, it’s dry and delicious), sambal udang petai, mixed vegetables and fresh pickles. It was a wholesome lunch. Couldn’t be better.

We did take photos, but not many. Perhaps my brother, Angah who was nominated as the digicam photographer of the day was mesmerized a lot by the entire event (or simply dreaming) and perhaps being complacent with the fact that Adi (my other brother) was capturing the whole thing in the videocam. So really, cinonet je gamba. Speaking of photographs, this I have to apologize because of the delay of the photo loading. Tunggu lah dapat je anak keenam nanti baru taruk gamba betunang ek. Hehehehe, taklah sampe camtu kan..

This previous weekend, me and Bigfish went to this place in Bangsar, Zura’s Academy to experience the ultimate boredom of semi-education majorly obscene continuous speeches. We of course, have millions of other better things to do, but this activity is compulsory. In order you want to proceed to matrimony, that is.

Kursus kahwin.

I never expected the two day so-called course could be more lethargic and sometimes pathetic. I was exhausted by all the craps fed into my brain, I wanted to sleep but we all didn’t even have a decent place to place our bags and stuffs. Now can you imagine sleeping with both your shoulders brushing the strangers’ sandwiching you and all the time making sure your stupid papers and files and bag not slipping from your lap? A big group of matured women being cramped in one small room only provided with a live TV and very uncomfortable chairs. For hours that truly seemed like forever. Exactly about 4 hours straight the longest they can achieve for a session.

It was a great relief the very last session by an ustazah who is also the Chief Kadi of Selangor, think the name is Ustazah Zawiah. Her talk I found productive, motivating and just.. real. I like her and with that is the end of the course. I can almost hear the world sighed when it’s over. Generally the course supposed to be good, but seriously two days of non stop watching old men giving speeches that mainly contain dirty jokes is tiring to me. Not that I’m against dirty jokes (hey, I’m a pervert myself! Hahah) but having it comes from men above 50 that we call Ustaz, and they seem very excited talking about it, some girls even blushed and humiliated, that just don’t translate ‘fun’ to me. That’s about it.

As of now, I’m happily engaged to my lover Bigfish and that matters most.

Have a blissful blessful days people!

That One Day in The Leap Year

2005-03-03T11:34:00.000+08:00

As of time of writing, I have known a guy which I call Bigfish for exactly a year and two days.

So far, I like to define it as the most enticing, wholesome and beautiful one year and two days of my life. Rowing upside down and all. I haven’t stop being amazed until right now.

Fuhh haven’t I expected the 29th February of the leap year of 2004 could bring me such a leaping difference in my screwd up little life. Yea I did screw up badly. Empty, no love, and seriously lacking of positivity. Was impatient, mentally stucked in a 19 year old something brain cells and focusless. I was living the moments but I had no specific direction. In short, I looked composed but in fact I was all scattered apart.

That was my second visit to RP Club, Hyatt Saujana. I’ve been there long before with some girlfriends during a so-called scouting around mission for R&B playing music clubs. The first time I crawled in I remember I wasn’t very keen, a mile ahead before the entrance I could see shiny bald heads everywhere like floating talking balls, I thought this club is full of DOM. (Remember DOM?)

Okay, but that’s another story. Last day of February last year, I went there again for my dear housemate’s birthday party, Suzie aka Sooz aka Girl who doesn’t eat nasi lemak. Heading there late with Tini, we were contemplating. The very same time with her party, there’s a gathering of old friends going on in Bangsar which I thought in no way I would miss. Right at the 2-junction between the straight ahead Federal Highway and Subang Airport Highway, my car slightly shrieked, I decided whatever it is let’s just drop by at RP, at least for a while. I made a last minute turning, Tini screamed at me for such a stunt and we headed up to Hyatt. How I wish I had known a turning at a junction resembles a very strong fate working the universe.

We were finally there, many of unknown (yet) Sooz’s friends already crowding the cornered booth where we celebrated. Music was good, the club started to get more crowded, things were about to start to heat up. Me and Tini parted getting our drinks. I was checking out the crowd, when I turned he was already spoken to Tini. Tall, fair, smart casual dressed, a bit tipsy… and he looks so charming. Good looking was not my first impression on him. In fact to be honest, I only realize that he’s quite close to handsome after had been a month together.

I approached the sofa where he was seated to secure myself a seat. I know the cake will be served later and I desperately wanted a piece. O ya, that time I haven’t yet had dinner. I smiled at him, he smiled back, I couldn’t recall who started the conversation first perhaps it was me. Whoever was it, that starting point led to a non stop completely hooked instantly attracted sort of conversation and it lasted for like, 3 hours. Every once in a while he turned to his buddy, that’s Jimy and talked a bit and laughed. Yup, I came to know later from Bigfish they did talk about me. I also learned that Jimy was a wee bit pissed because I was a wee bit rude for not having any attempt to talk to him at all that night, even for courtesy sake. It’s like, c’mon, if u want to hit on my friend, at least be polite and say hi to me. But really people, I completely forgot, I was blinded by Bigfish’s incredible charm, interesting conversation, he appeared so smart and savvy and his scent was soo.. nice. I noticed his hands are so large too, hehe. And a bit hairy.

Tini was already getting comfortable with a cute Chinese waiter who obviously liked her and they seemed to have a good time. Pretty birthday girl in red, Sooz was everywhere talking to her guests and she’s just as she is, always adorable. Everyone seemed so loosen-up, making new friends, guys and ladies, cakes and drinks, it was a beautiful night.

I departed just as the place was starting to close, about 1 am. I thanked him for the great time, and I told him not to call me until I contact him first, that is absolutepurely my style. He paused, looking at my face as if studying it, he said fine *smiling*. He sent us, me and my happy friend Kartini to my humble little car and before I hopped in, I managed to throw a quick goodnight kiss. (I’ve been wanting to kiss that roguish white face since the last 2 hours) He stood there, stunted. I smiled, waived and chiow. My only thought, shit, I’m completely captivated. Shit, shit, shit.

But this is not some lousy dragging Spanish series, it’s me and Bigfish. The next day, I sms him to say hi, then he asked me out for our first date. Accompanied by Kartini. That very same night, he called me again to talk. He seemed to never get bored talking to me and half of the time he’s laughing. He’s very happy!

Starting from that night, he calls me every night (every freakin single night) to talk and to laugh and to tell me how much he miss and love me. How can I not be a freaking happy woman? An adorable smart guy tells you that you’re funny, and you make him laugh and that you make him happy. And finally he confess to you that you complete his life to the point that he cannot live without you.

How do you find our first meeting and how did we get hooked? I made the first move, ya think I did. But as I mentioned before, I didn’t quite know what I want in a relationship. I thought I would just go with the flow and that’s about it. My way is just to see how things come along and making moves from there. Bigfish actually changed my mindset and theory. He likes me at first sight, he gets to know me, his feeling confirmed that it’s not ordinarily mild and that he likes me strongly, then he decided to love me. Once he loves, he loves with all his heart. I recalled after few months together I freaked out because the relationship just went along like a high flying rocket with no destination. It went on and on and on.. I didn’t know what’s gonna happen. So the foolish nut I am, I was scared.

We started having some complications because of my negative twisted mind, most of my friends very know that I once declared that I’m not the marrying kind. I was in a serious confuse state to distinguish my negative self who just want to lavish myself with the love without any life objective, with my alter ego who convinced me that this is the love of my life, what am I waiting for, he wants to spend the rest of his life with you, go on marry him!

I finally accepted his proposal that tranquil morning, and slowly myself and my life started to change. As if the decision itself does wonders for my wellbeing. I want to become a better person, I want to nurture my heart with love and optimism, and I just want to love Bigfish like he wants to be loved. We do have fights once in a while but at the end of the day after every teary reconciliation when I wake up inside the nook of his neck I just know that he needs me and I need him. And I don’t need to know anything else but that.

As for Sooz, my dear lovely friend, thank you for bringing love to my life. I know your time will come when you least expect it, I know one day you’ll be delighted until you might think how are you going to bear with the dosage of happiness. It’ll make you breathless, trust me. Happy Belated Birthday to you, eventhough that day only peeks out only once in four years, remember that it always be quadruple extra special compared to other plain normal days. Especially when magical things happen on that day, for instance the birth of you, and the birth of a love feeling. See?

Here’s to our First Anniversary and in two days time, I’ll be engaged to that guy with big hairy hands.

To all of you folks out there, have a good week ahead!

Valentine Monday Blues

2005-02-14T11:58:00.000+08:00

It's not a catastrophic matter when we as human beings, occasionally do have blues. I know this is just plainly normal.

As for the time being, this blog is my platform.

This morning I feel so.. blue. I have a reasonably bad PMS, I argued with Bigfish, I'm upset and my workload is massive, I had a meeting with client that I had to pretend confident, happy and professional but in fact, inside I was screaming.

To make it worse, it's Valentine's Day ie the day to celebrate love.

I literally feel my heart sinking down to the ground every time I walk around.

On this day, I choose not to allow the pessimist thoughts take over my mind and body, and that I decide to stay cool.

It's truly difficult to your mental and well being acting you're okay when you're actually really not, but somehow I always practice this one remedy and it helps. I lace my negativity mode with the feeling of gratefulness (bersyukur). And I feel better.

Not a lot better, but when you still thank God despite the shortcoming of events or problems you have to face in your life or which have been given to you, naturally the feeling itself will soothe and comfort you. Of course it takes time for a wound to heal, but if nursed and taken care with the right way, before long we will realise it's just how life is. There are joys, hiccups, beauties and tragedies.

Then I recall my prayers to God. I've always used to pray for happiness and smoothness in everything I do, besides continuously asking for His Blessings. But I'm still the same, here I am with my decent executive job, I'm not rich and still cannot afford to buy so many things that i want, I still have arguments with my boyfriend, I think my life is far from perfect.

Then I've come to realise that no, I cannot say that my prayers are not granted. Maybe the happiness doesn't always have to come in the form of wealth or great boyfriends. Or the ability to buy nice branded bags and clothes and car. Not to mention the perfect life that I want and imagine, in fact everyone imagines a simply perfect life!

I'm grateful because God grant me strength to go through these difficulties. And since I'm aware of this, this is my reason to be happy. There, happiness can be translated and taken in many ways. Some people may take this as total craps and nonsense, but I'm glad I finally managed to nurture my soul to remain grateful during trying times like now. I hope I will be able to stay this way.

No wonder people say count your blessings, sometimes it's not about being pious or angelic, it's indeed a remedy for the soul.

I wish all lovers around the world a fantastic time celebrating the day to remember the most beautiful precious gift for mankind, LOVE.

JoJoBali Spa

2005-02-01T19:14:00.000+08:00

Who would resist being pampered and gently massaged from head to toe?

Yeahh..quickly I add, I mean massage session and spa (before anyone starting to get different ideas *wink*).

I’ve always loved getting body massage. It’s a total delight having a full hour of relaxing aromatherapy massage with a bowl of scented petal-laced warm water next to you. The background is enchanting tunes of oriental, or Balinese, depends on the presented concept.

This is quite outdated but what the heck y’know I’m busy, me and my boyfriend went to this spa at Hyatt Regency Saujana (on the route to Subang Airport, y’know RP Club? Yup, there), JoJoBali Spa.

This friend of ours working as a sales manager there, and he gave us a piece of promotion voucher, something like buy 1 free 1 hence you pay for a session for one and your friend/partner will get the same session for free.

We thought, for a good deal like this why don’t we just give it a try. Being a massage-loving gal, my all-time favourite spa this entire while has been Holistic Spa at Jalan Bangkung Bangsar (near 7-Eleven inside residential area of Bangsar). After a couple of good years visiting Holistic, my initial expectation on JoJobali wasn’t that high. I’d say I was a bit skeptical, just another expensive over-rated poseur spas. But buy 1 free 1 right? I was tired, I needed a massage and as always I’m poor. Bigfish can pay and I can get the free one, I thought *tanduk*. And so we went.

My first impression, the staffs’ costumes are very nice, light brown blouse laced by darker shade at the seams, with dark batik sarong. Apparently they are all ladies, and amazingly they’re all very sweet and polite. Their gestures and the way they move around are just so.. graceful. I’d say I was impressed. For the record, Holistic staffs’ uniforms are plain white,the nurse-kind. And they are just normal people. Read: Not that graceful.

After payment was made at the counter, (yes, pay first) we were greeted by two seemingly-Chinese ladies, introduced themselves as our masseurs and led us to a nice hotel room.

The music’s soft Balinese, room temperature was perfect, the scent seemed rosy citrus hint, the light was dim. We changed to provided towels and slippers. And I’m not going to reveal my masseur’s name ever. To correct my first impression as mentioned, she’s no Chinese, a Sabahan instead. I love her, okay we’ll come to that later.

There are two massage beds, y’know the kind with the holes that you can comfortably slot your face into that, perfect massage position. Bowls of scented oil were placed right below the holes so that when you breathe and sniff, it’s very calming and relaxing. The two beds separated by a Balinese designed screen.

We had the JoJobali Touch Package. It started with Aromatherapy Foot Bath. It was fantastic. I guess even my poor tired feet were pleasantly flabbergasted suddenly being handled so royally such a way.

Followed by an hour of aromatherapy massage, that was my favourite hour of the month. The masseur was very professional and attentive. She actually asked me before starting what sort of pressure would I prefer, either soft, medium or hard. I said I’d go with medium. For the first 5 minutes when she thoroughly stretched and pressured my body with her medium stroking and kneading, she kept asking whether I am doing fine with the massage. I mumbled fine, fine and fine. I actually meant it was good.

I was intoxicated by such deft gentle hands, rolling and stroking. Sometimes the punching. Then she asked me to flip. That was when she put a long rectangular shaped aroma eye pillow to cover both my eyes. That’s for the eye treatment. And girls, don’t be surprised or scream, because when your eyes are covered, they will remove over your towel and there you are, lying naked only with your panty on. For info, they massage your boobs too. Try not to gelak or senyum. Believe me, the feel is never not awkward. But somehow, Holistic masseurs do that too so I'm kinda used to it eventhough they never see under the dim light my ears always blushed.

She finally informed the session is over and moved off the wet eye pillow. She helped me to lightly stretch out and both of them looked away to the wall politely when me and Bigfish were putting on our clothes.

I recall having only one thought in my head that time, if only I had known that place earlier. I’ve been to Holistic so many times and yet that was the best massage I’ve ever had. And for that, I love my masseur for her soft chubby hands and perfect pressure. I am firm to be having her again for my next massage session there.

We rested at the lobby in front of the small counter while being served warm cup of ginger tea. I remember I couldn’t feel any fresher.

In fact, to be honest I felt so energized and fresh for two solid weeks until yesterday when I started to get backache for carrying loads of loads from Sayang You *wink*.

Care to try? I tell you it’s worth it. At least to me a total convert with no turning back. The packages are handful and the prices are fairly reasonable.

So my dear friends, check this out and be inspired from my experience. Heheh

www.jojobali.com

Prenup Pin up Part 1

2005-01-18T15:09:00.000+08:00

Alhamdulillah..

It’s almost six months from the wedding and I could say eighty percent of the preparations are done (or at least the deposits / booking fees / advances are paid).

I owe my stressful first month that led to some kekelamkabutan, but somehow many matters are looked into on time. And now, the only thing is I really got to start with my healthy & beauty regiment. (Kenapa ayat ni cam geli?)

Back to my wedding planning affair, the beginning was not as sweet as what many of us unweds imagined to be. It’s something like planning for a tactical battle ahead. I mean, there are so many priorities pop out at one time!

You want to save money ie you are not keen to splurge so much, you want it to be beautiful, you want things to go perfect, you want people to understand you and your preferences, you want people to be happy, YOU yourself want to be happy, you want this to be a fairytale party of a lifetime, and yet you don’t want to nganga watching the huge debts over your head after the wedding…!!

When I’m lying down on my bed at night, with my ‘goldfish’ eyes still wide open, I wonder, is money the main issue?

Every individual has his or her own capacity of spending. Some people love to call it the power of purchasing. After days of haywires and mixed up emotions, I began to realize that I worried too much. In fact way too much than necessary. Of course I have my reason, because I know wedding planning or wedding shopping or wedding whatevers just not really my cuppa tea. If possible, I would just want to attend the reception dinner just like any other guest. With nothing to worry about, marvel at anything attractive at the occasion and simply just enjoy myself. The question is, who’s gonna care about YOUR wedding if not yourself?

There are people with tighter financial state anywhere. I should be grateful because I know that what I’m going to have is one decent wedding reception of my kind. Nothing very unusual, nothing too fancy. I just want it to be merry, nice, beautiful and something people remember. I don’t come from a rich family, let alone millionaires. On the other hand, my family doesn’t have to get a single loan either to make my dream wedding happen.

For that, I’m more than grateful enough.

And as they say, the rest is history. I get a nice reception date (at least to me, but it must must be in June!), I like the invitation cards and the price is within budget, I found the ribbon to tie the wedding favour boxes for the guest. O yea, I managed to get Mona Rafar to paint my face. Everything seems to just fallen into place, and now have to just wait for the attires.

By the way, here are some insiders.

1) Radzwan Radziwil doesn’t rent out bajus anymore. He just sells. He used to make clothes to your measure and you’ve got to return back after the occasion ie you’re renting something that you’re the first one using it. No more.

2) Having reception at a hotel is really very convenient. They will take of everything for you, the dais, wedding favours, decorations. Some even can help on the itineraries. Grand Blue Wave Shah Alam is an example of a hotel with really reasonable reception price. Not that I like it less, I just prefer the hotel that I choose more.

3) I strongly think if you must splurge, consider pay more for the photography and videography cost. Get a professional, it’s not cheap.

4) If you embrace a stress-free wedding lifestyle, get a wedding planner. As usual, of course I suggest a friend, dahan nipahsz. (Ish, sedihnya nak buat link tak reti). By the way, as for my case, the hotel runs a wedding planning service too. Completely hassle free, I love it.

5) Love your girlfriends. You’re nothing without them.

Well just above for a start.

The engagement Insyaallah will be in February.

Fuhh, sometimes I recall a teenage girl of 15, wearing bright colored bandanna on her head, wearing baju kurung as to obey the school rule, but she flipped the long sarong up to her thighs to show protest (and sweating legs), and suddenly u heard she laughed so loud it’s immaculate, and she just simply one plain nut and crazy interrupted girl.

And now she’s getting married.

Hookayy...

Just another one of Tsunami

2005-01-17T16:25:00.000+08:00

It’s really been a while.

I sincerely apologize (woo, not that this one is the reading ritual of anybody’s, all I know some buddies who do read but never left comments persistently asking for updates), so here it is.

By the way, I’m doing just fine. It was really the peak product delivery season in the industry, so y’know what I mean, I’ve been really busy.

Many had happened - a male ditching the bride 19 hours before go, and massive earthquake, and tsunami. And tsunami.

I admit my eyes didn’t blink watching the tv visuals of corpses being dug out from defecated scraps and pieces. The amount of deathtolls that increased day by day, you can actually see the facial expressions of the survivors during the aftermath of a disastrous tragedy of that kind, many of them had this glazed, blank look topped by an extreme sadness. It’s an undescribable look, it was terribly sad, they can’t cry, they can’t scream, they seemed to be way way too sad for all that.

Numbers of opinions we have around on this fated tragedy. Yes, societies everywhere are branching for helps and aids for the affected countries. SMS of all kinds are going around too, not to mention the articles of certain kinds trying to justify this act of God. During this time too, there are a lot of human behaviours that we can study. The benevolence, the no, sincereness or faux, the care or shit-giver, positiveness or just plain negativity. It seems that many matters can be categorized in two, there are always these positive and negative elements, or at least things according to your mentality and judgement.

And recently, I found myself in a conversation about the enthusiasm of some organizations (apparently some big ones were named) to be the host or collector upon tsunami funds or donations. It was highlighted by an individual that some organizations are actually taking percentage of the amount they have collected from the masses and it could be not small. Then, should this be true, the question that shall be raised is, “Are you sure your donations go to the right channel?” ie "Are the victims getting the donations?"

Well, back to my initial point, even during this time, there are so many debates and speculations going on towards the world’s help for tsunami victims. We are still not going to the tangent where some people are actually nominating themselves as the speakers of God saying that this is His punishment onto the victims. They pick lines from Quran, then translated them to force the meaning so that can be related to this incident as THEY see fit.

Yup, I do have lots of things in my head.

But then again, suddenly I realized that it is the control of one’s own individual. If only people could play their role and capitalize their responsibilities that have been trusted onto them, I’m sure many problems could be tackled, objectives can be achieved.

As of now, tsunami victims must be helped. With full loads of capacity. I believe this one disaster requires the biggest relief effort the world has ever seen.

Justifications, opinions, articles might make the reading materials something to look forward to, can bring some publishers good profit too, whether or not it helps that I don’t have a say. Then I think, it’s just back to ourselves. We want to help, we help. We just want to read and do nothing, everyone’s entitled to the way one’s choose. We want to help and at the same time making sure everybody knows, then the agenda is not only one now, but two.

All and all, there are loads of lessons can be learnt from this one tragedy. The lesson can even sound irrelevant to the incident, but that’s how life is. The possibilities of anything are simply endless.

I’m sure many of us are very disturbed, at the same time very grateful because at least to the small circle or ours, we’re still here writing and reading blogs.

Here’s to a better day.

Of DOM (No, not the tonic)

2004-12-22T18:02:00.000+08:00

I‘m writing this from the office.

With regards to the title above, those are the creatures that I loathe the most, currently. Unfortunately they are everywhere. Ranging from the highest level in an organization to the most bottom. But to me, wherever they are sitting tok-pekung-like in their offices, be them superiors or kulis, I simply hate them all to the core.

Dirty ol’men aka DOM.

Okay.. easy to say, especially in medium to large organizations, we all have at least one. At most, infinity. These DOM, because of their wide experience and too much have eaten salt as the saying goes, they’re good at camouflaging themselves to portray the image as innocent ol’men. Just for a moment, they may appear decent and even charming. Don’t get conned, ‘cause right after the controlling phase is over, the whole dirtiness will be splashed about very obviously.

DOM are legendary. I officially separate them from the rest of the masses because the absence of respect, at least in my case. In fact, the respect level percentage totally zero defect. I mean zero. They view young women as eye-candies, stripping us naked with their kerepot dirty eyes. I don’t actually know or can ever be sure of to what extent their imagination can rise and excite themselves, but it’s simply really obvious. The facial expression, the gesture, the tone, even the gleam of their eyes change. From normal gaze to an absolute horny-limped-dick kinda one. It’s just extremely disgusting and unimaginable.

DOM somewhat all the same, but way worse if they are really old and ugly. Most efficient DOM may have a very bulky pocket with fat wallet and bunch of keys of several luxury sedans. Again, don’t get conned because that’s not the standardized trait of DOM. They may be just an ustaz who’s driving Iswara at 52 earning RM1,800 a month (worse if with 3 wives, 1 more vacancy), or could be a supervisor somewhere managing 5 or 6 staffs with the complacency of a general manager, or tauke restaurant.. anything.

Well, I have PMS today, I met 2 serious DOM during appointment for the last 4 hours.., I’m extremely tired.

I expect to look up to my old people. I expect them to be my role models. I expect all the Hajis that I have to liaise with in my work are really the people that have been to the Holy Land, and that there must be something that we can learn from ‘em. Well, that are just my expectations. But who says your expectation may determine what the reality may be.. And that’s why this entry.

My approach to old men are the same, I treat them all as if they are my father’s friends, or my uncles. I speak in constant tone and middle-tuned voice so that their old ears can capture my message clearly, and I’m very polite to them…

But the last line that I ever need to hear from them in this world is..

“So.. u hujung minggu ni buat apa? Le Meridien ada buka restaurant baru dekat sana I dengar.. maybe kita boleh visit..”
* While sitting back, mata kecik sikit, suara perasan seksi….

Bloody hell.

When in Doubt, post Friendship Poem ( Tribute Part I )

2004-12-16T10:07:00.000+08:00

Silhouettes of Separation

I saw the seeds of yesterday
So later would bloom the memories
I pluck that very smile of yours
In my heart they will lay.

I engrave the bittersweetness
of life in my soul
And the pureness of our friendship
I lift the past from its shadow
As I shed my tears away.

I see the silhouettes of tomorrow
It is my fear come true
I cry and mourn for this sorrow
And in my dreams, I remember you.

For the life of me, this is one of my favourite poems. Given to me from my best friend in STF.

It was just a simple composition, very beautifully written, yet moving and touching at the same time. The second you finished the last line, you know it was written by the heart.

When heart speaks, you can see there’s no boastful elements to make the writing simply pretty with made up substances. Plain honesty. When heart speaks, the integration of words with one another as if they all hold hands, the words were born to sit there, tied together, formed as a poem. When heart speaks, it’s like a compressed story that flows like a breeze, almost like a beautiful melody where the tunes are just perfect.

To the friend whom I received this poem from, in tribute to our friendship, there will be more treasured compositions to be monumented here.

For our bittersweet experiences that we once shared, and also as a marker and inspiration to all blooming friendships everywhere.

Here’s to friendships, and love, may God Almighty bless us all.

Weekend like no Other

2004-12-13T18:49:00.000+08:00

Woo.. it was definitely a weekend like no other.

I mean, I could really felt it, that I really once used to think that all this would happen at least forever from now, or..are all these just a very long continuous dream? Whatever it be, certainly not a ‘today’ thing as per what have I imagined long ago.. and it’s happening.

Sometimes, even me can get head spinning listening to myself.

Let’s get this straight. Okay, here goes..

The recent weekend, we went ring shopping (shit now I’m an official ‘we’ gal), looking around for the right wedding venue, right attire; would it be long white modern gown or long flowy kebaya. Also we (duh) bought like 5 bridal magazines for references. Shall I just conclude that myself and Bigfish have no idea where to start, mm, to be frank, firm on what we actually want, you see.. To make it more dramatic and traumatic, we actually don’t err, know where to go for the invitation cards, which boutique and stylist who understand our needs, which caterer serves good food within our financial capacity that won’t burn a volcanic hole in our pockets..We do visualize how’s it gonna be, but after a few rounds at some gardens and hotels, we tend to mix up our wants and needs, and potentially overtaken by the whole event despite the restricted budget. So we ended up..pening. Bigtime.

But I’d have to say, altogether it’s a fantastic experience. I mean, how many times you get to go ring shopping in your life even you don’t really fancy rings? You are practically forced to get yourself a nice ring and there’s someone who happily and willingly paying for it? See what I mean. The whole affair is just a once-a-lifetime matter. Mm..I’m sure everyone does hope so. :)

Also interestingly, I discovered that I don’t really take joy in wedding shopping. I thought I’m gonna love it just like many of my girlfriends do..but no. All the shopping around and bargaining made me feel like staying home and having a long nap. But I love shopping! How come yea..

Hmm..just my theory, prenuptial syndrome. You become overly fussy and sensitive and lethargic. Must be all the high expectations that you want the Day to be simply perfect. So it’s shopping with a bag of pressure on your shoulders. Yup, that’s why.

Well I’m very tired today due to the exhausting weekend. Bigfish is simply fully occupied during weekdays and we are counting the weekends we gonna have for the whole planning and preparations. And so, we have this thought to just hire a planner. A relatively good, economical one, not the bashing kind ( we met one yesterday, he opens his mouth to talk about nothing less than 100K budget.. crazy).
Suggestions are highly welcomed and appreciated.

To my good friend, Intan.. Happy Belated Birthday.
Have a blessed and wonderful year ahead.

And suddenly..

2004-12-11T19:17:00.000+08:00

I used to think i'm not the marrying kind.

Oh yes, i did, for so long as if it has been my idea that came packaged with me from the womb.

But should i call it a miracle when a fixed ideology can just changed overnight?

And now, let me just tell what has been up with me these few days, when the morning of December 10th 2004, I decided to accept the proposal of my boyfriend of about 10 months, to marry him.

Here lies me, the girl who thinks she can survive the world without attachment and love, is getting engaged to the guy, which she loves so dearly, and he, which she wants to spend the rest of her life with.

..God willing.

More in future posts. Because for now, I'm having a very very busy weekend. Y'know..those stuffs. :)

Maybank 2 Me

2004-12-02T17:16:00.000+08:00

Have you guys registered to Maybank2u?

Hmm, I feel as I can hear a big roar of “YAAAHHH!!!”

And also can almost feel the imaginary stones being thrown on me for being so paleolitical (this word is no family at all with ‘political’. Don’t know? You must have failed your History).

But really, today I can just feel it inside me, some sense of satisfaction and should I say, achievement for finally being able to be an officially registered Maybank2u user. Maybank now is 2me. Hehe. Not that I’ve never tried to become one of you out there much much earlier than NOW, attempts have been made, trust me.

The machines apparently were never in order, sometimes just silly when I pop myself there only to find out they were closing the door to fix something on the ATM or whatever hell-machines they have inside there. As I’m always on the run, I knew and will always know waiting 20 minutes can always be a big cause of something and the aftermath effects will somehow can leave me in a total helpless situations. That’s something that I really cannot afford to do. My line of job is full of professional buggers who are trained to make other people’s lives miserable. Of course, it’s my choice. But then again, there’s more to just dealing with them. So I survive. And no, my 20 minutes still too precious to me, I hate waiting for more than just 5 minutes.

Back to my new found joy on Maybank2u, mm, so convenient. I can access with my utility bills messiness in a breeze, and no more hopping out from the car in the middle of jam just to check whether my salary’s in. Of course, I have known this for long, but for heaven’s sake, I’ve been spending hundred hours I suppose, from the last 4 years every month to bank in my rental to the landlord’s account. And now, I can even do it buck naked with the comfort of my own room, at anytime. What could be better than this… ooh

Alrighty.. so my dear friends, whoever reading this, if you are a Maybank account holder, and always find yourselves juggling with your packed schedules, and have slowly turned into a professional procrastinator especially bill-payment department like me, Maybank2u I believe is created especially for people like us.

You can feel the difference.

P/S The lowdown, they charge RM12 a year for this service.

Post Raya in the city

2004-12-01T13:32:00.000+08:00

Whoa..it’s been quite a while. Yep, a pretty while. So it’s gonna be a long post. Heheh. Go away if you must.

There are several core reasons here:

1) Seriously tied up with work, that said I haven’t been spending my almost 10 working hours sitting by the computer at my desk. I’d love to, just something I can’t afford to in my line of job. Pheww..

2) Then suddenly, I looked in my organizer, no appointments for a few spared free hours, ermm, production is going on smooth, there’s no need to have a check in the factory, and many books already delivered. Hurray, some free time to go online and stay there. Only to find out half an hour later, I just stared blankly in front of the old PC, clueless of what to blog about (or splash about). So I just keep myself current with news online. (maybe I’m turning into a boring freak)

3) Okay, and I don’t have internet connection at home. And my splashing ideas usually come out in quite a splashing way at about 10-12 pm everyday. No medium to jot about. That says it all.

I hope life has been treating you people fairly these days. I’m sure many of us are still in Raya celebration mode. Post raya, open houses everywhere. I’ve seen a few friends, which I once considered blessed with good figure, but somehow now still blessed, with few kilos extra flesh. They are just as beautiful, and aware of their new-found kilos, and can’t stop ranting about it. As for my case, I’m just as chubby as ever. It’s something to smile about when I have long accepted the fact that it’s really very difficult for me to lose weight and just as hard to gain also. So when I say, ‘maintain.., maintain..’ , it’s just ol’ me, chubs and all, sans the additional bags of flesh.

Well back to open house, this coming weekend will be another super-packed one. If I’m allowed to sum up Raya definition in just one, one word, shall I say, hectic? In a good way, of course. But we still can’t bill people for our therapeutic therapy, can we? So, this weekend I’ll be hanging around with my ol’time STF gals. That’s really something to be looked forward to. And I do. In the evening on that Saturday, to Nadia’s place. For friendship’s sake, just as much as business’s sake. The dad is the high gun in MAS, and me at the moment is on the verge to make a deal, and to close it, with MAS. God willing, things will look out in a fruitful way. The following Sunday, with Bigfish to his friend’s. I know exactly what I would be thinking on Sunday evening, numbering the lists of things to do that surely will not have slots at all for this weekend.

Hmm..

1) My monthly fixed cost, utility bills, house rent, credit cards.. that all may need time to pay. I’m currently thinking of some faux appointments (for an excuse) so that can buy longer time during lunch hour.

2) To meet up with my insurance agent and finalise my documents and et ceteras upon my recent purchase. I’m now a Pru convert.

3) Go to that car tint shop, choose a nice filter film for my boyfriend’s car. Hmm, the joy of being the decision maker.

4) Look at houses at Kota Damansara. Potential spot to reside one day.

5) Must visit my sick iMac which is now being warded at a Mac hospital in Great Eastern Mall. This one is greatly victimized in my act of procrastination. This really should go to number 2.

At least, above is the top 5 of my somewhat pretty lists of things that we have to/ must/ shall/ should do. As my last 2 weeks, and foreseeing my next 2 weeks will all be full scheduled with open houses to attend. I’m not even an important individual, but I must say with that kind of schedule specially packed with big red marker of the word ‘OPEN HOUSE’, I also see the need to mention that I do skip several occasions, I wonder how’s it like with those VIPs. So you see, it’s not me, or us, we just live in the social society that full of benevolence and generousity. Result: Too many open houses to attend.

I actually have loads of happenings lately. Well, they are no huge, but some are really important, and significant, at least to me. That started with the marvellous Eid Mubarak with my family. A beautiful one, should I describe it, unlike past years, or some which was really really boring. To friends who still getting the money packets, good for you all since I received none. But you guys actually remind me that at our age, some of us are still eligible to get duit raya, and that we are all still young and rockin’! Yeah! Haha.

This is my first Raya with Bigfish, I value that. I met his family, the other day it was just his parents, his sister Along with the hubby and kids. It was at Along’s place. It was visibly obvious the good vibes floating around the family. The parents were really nice to me, the Mom is as charming as my own. Smart pretty Along was a bit stern but friendly, I know that I can get along well with her. And the kids, they just love me.. it was a merry sweet occasion that day, I hope God will bless us all with a direction that leads to everyone’s best and happiness. Fuh, sometimes I do feel scared because it’s a fragile thing when you’re in love and fear of losing the flowery feeling.

By the way, just a brief of last night’s happening. I cried hard like I never did before, I thought I can cry out my lungs and intestines. It was the tears that I have spared for so many years. Well, there’s nothing as catastrophic enough when a girl in love cries. Must be the relationship, and it’s true. Despite the whole rosy picture of my relationship saga with Bigfish, of course, I do have one opinion of his ONE major lowdown. He’s made of the green-eyed creature. We had the biggest argument last night just of one foolish silly matter: I was pissed being interrogated about my exchanging phone number with a guy friend that I know from college. I was thinking he shouldn’t be asking me like that, as it insulted me, and the guy is really just a friend that I bumped in Carrefour. He thinks why should I give my phone number to every guy friend that I met, it was like, what for? Do I want people to call me or what?

Yknow people..it’s difficult I tell ya. When you think you are just a normal person, and you love your boyfriend to boot, and he still thinks that you may like it when other guys call you. That you may be flattered and such. And all I think about is just him.

Thank God, we’ve talked about it. And now we’re back to square one. We’re good. I’m still feeling a wee bit disappointed in all this as I still don’t have his complete trust. But I know what he has been through last time. And I’m giving him another chance.

I thank my good friend Sooz for comforting me when I was all wet and sloppy with tears and flooded nostril. I’m sorry Sooz I was reluctant to hug you because you looked so good and I don’t want to dirty your shirt with face that looked like just caught in the drain. Thank you very much. And o yea, I did hear strange sounds last nite. :)

Last but not least, have a good week everyone!

Ramadhan, Syawal and me

2004-11-12T15:26:00.000+08:00

O God, give us success in this month to tighten our bonds of kin with devotion and gifts,
Attend to our neighbours with bestowal and giving,
Rid our possessions from claims,
Purify them through paying the alms,
Go back to him, who had gone far from us,
Treat justly he who has wronged us,
Make peace with him who shows enmity towards us except he who is regarded as an Enemy of yours for he is the enemy who will not befriend.........

Islamic Digest Online

And the moon of Syawal is about to rise, indication of the ultimate ‘Iman’ test in Ramadhan have come to the end. Some passed with flying colours, some stuck in the middle, some merry, some weep, and some hampeh like myself. But then, God with all His great loves and fairness over people, we’re still here, right here, some of us writing blogs and express our deeply emotions, some reading it, and I trust we are all grateful, that as many mistakes that we have done, we’re still here, all safe in one piece.

Hari Raya, a very significant event to many, Muslims or not. Suddenly all the eating establishments are crowded with the ol’regulars that were not lunching for a month. And mamak stalls, back filled with Malay youngsters, or elders, who always up to sweet delicious the tarik after a stressful day. And not to mention the day itself, oh we all do know how it normally goes, dress our best, morning prayer, dishes on the table, family gathering, bersalam-salaman, visit the graves etc. Leaving the details of the entire wonderful occasion aside, just listen to the morning takbir Raya. Just listen.

That particular takbir Raya intonation, the rhythm that we only get to hear only twice in a year (including Raya Haji), I don’t know how is it with you all, but it just hypnotizing.. it seems that your whole life flashes against your eyes for a few moments and you’re back at where you’re standing. You look around you see the new colourful curtains, the table with colourful cookies on it, your little grandmother… the ‘insaf’ feeling, y’know. I’d have to tell you that the writer (some of you already perfectly know :) ) is not a good religious individual at all (now is ‘bout religion, next entry you may be seeing ‘bout my review on Zouk!), and yet that ‘insaf’ feeling can happen to anyone, or everyone. It’s beautiful. Being the imperfect human we are, we tend to repeat our mistakes or sins again and again. Well as to being good..i’d have to venture that it sometimes could be the spirit is willing indeed, but the flesh is weak.. ie. malas sembahyang dan sebagainya.

So that’s why some of us, as to what I think, is not exactly baaad people though they are obviously not fulfilling the pillars ie. they don’t pray 5 times a day (if not at all), ponteng puasa, to name two, or obviously err, sinning; like staying together with your unwed partner. Woo.. That is of course between them and God, our connection with God is for no soul to evaluate or to judge. My point here, that’s why I measure people with their hearts. This may sound crappy to some but I believe people with good hearts, that certain kind of glow is visible on their faces. Or just simply shown on their attitude towards people and themselves. They may not be the best of a Muslim, but they might be the best of friend you can ever have. Y’know, something like that. Humans are complicated. Only God can really judge us.

Ever heard of this story about this guy, a thief during Prophet times? A thief he was, bad person he was known as. And this one day he helped a thirsty dog to sip some water that he scooped with his own sandal. And all we know in the end, as per the testament from God to Prophet, all the sins that was done by the thief guy before that incident was forgiven, completely deleted. Bad alternative of living a life, good heart, definitely.

Okay people, just some insights o’mine before us all celebrating the beautiful Hari Raya. Short disclaimer; above is just my mind talking, should there be any different from yours, speaking about opinions, we all have them. Just a note, whatever is good and true, comes from God and the craps, from this fella blogger, of course. :P

Have a wonderful Aidilfitri, everyone!

p/s But really, come the takbir Raya, try to focus and sit still, and just listen. You’ll know what I mean. Even half-evil-dominated me also cair..

Faith is the Name

2004-11-10T13:02:00.000+08:00

Oohh..how sometimes life can be pretty tough to live about. Even about simple silly trifle kinda matters. People are actually thinking of how to govern a country, other alternatives to upgrade this rocket engine so that it can buzz in a blink second to the moon, cloning cats and all kinds of serious important worldly impact sorta things….and here lies me, having headache because I think my beloved boyfriend is a..err…mmm…well, sometimes can be such a pain in the arse. There. huh!

I cant find the definite word to start this, but I’d have to say that this boyfriend, my current one, which is the number what-what, hehe, is the one that I seriously think to have kids with in the future (Read: FUTURE) and seriously have faith in the relationship. I mean it, seriously. I never had, I should say, very well reputation in the relationship department. In short, people tend to jump to the easy conclusion that I was a player, but no, not exactly that. I just lived for the moment, savour my past relationships and never committed to have any rosy future planning that normal couples have eg. nak anak brapa, lepas kawin tinggal mana, those kinda stuffs. So yes, I was in several relationships before (no proud of it), but they were ones that just that literally, a long spelling of the word R-E-L-A-T-I-O-N-S-H-I-P without depths and substance. People might come up and ask why, why last time these things you had with the guys cant be worked out, what’s wrong with them or ultimately, what’s wrong with YOU?

Oh people, there’s nothing wrong with them. It’s me. In fact I just started working after graduated for only about 2 years plus now, and before I was a full time student. So you see, I didn’t want to be one who doesn’t think further, who feels so content in a relationship and get conned with it, and become so comfortable and complacent and be sure that this is it! Or shall I just confess? Yup, I used to be a relationship non believer. That is my weakness, my inability, my drawback. I met great guys who loved me, but I didn’t have the ability to return them the favour, to offer to them this piece of ultimate monument of your soul – true love. No, I didn’t know where I put it, or maybe long long time ago, I’ve used it once, and not wisely, I kept it for too long it gets hidden by my messy piles of emotional baggage, I lost it.

When I met Bigfish, started with just his nice scent, nice smile followed by flowing nice conversation, the rest of the things might sound soo drama swasta or just too cliché for another article you read about it in the world, let’s just leave it aside, and I give myself a mental note that this is the guy that I want. I wont give up the fact that anything could happen to us, with today’s diabolic lifestyle and all, obstacles are just like that sentinels in The Matrix. Simply everywhere. And so, we human beings are just so tiny and fragile to be handling with major complicated things like people’s feelings, lust and temptations, emotional betrayal.. But I have faith. With these 5 letters I’m holding strong to, I humbly pray to God for Him to bless my relationship with Bigfish, and guide us, and show us the way. And even he ever fall out of love, I still appreciate the beauty of this love we’re sharing right now, for it’s too special to just let it quicksilver away, eventhough it will finale with it just on my end, I feel satisfied for having given the chance to taste true love.

Back to Bigfish who must be busy having meetings and appointments right now, he really la… sometimes can be so… I don’t want to make an official statement about it, maybe not yet, here I settle for just, a pain. Ouch!

I’m in no position to advise anything about relationships to others, though I can share my bits of experience for some enlightenment. But I owe some credits to friends who make some significant impressions on me, Seed for holding tight to her love, always an optimist. To you Seed, Mezee is a lucky guy having you at his side. I wish you all the blessful moments be upon you and your husband, you are one of the best lover I know. And my pretty housemate, Suz, which has loads of love to offer but still in the journey, yet to get there, and will get there one day. Thank you for listening to me grumbling over your breads and scramble eggs. And to all my friends everywhere, old and new, current and the ones I haven’t met yet…

here’s to LOVE is a wonderful thing, to each and everyone of us, as long as we clip this little thing dearly to our hearts, which is FAITH.

From your ignorant peep

2004-11-09T16:19:00.000+08:00

After being forcefully encouraged by some friends that were earlier informed ‘bout the existence of my blog, and now here I am again, updating, or as what they call it. Phew, it’s been hectic days. O yea, hectic and dark and wet. I think this is quite unusual. Well, as far as I could recall, few weeks before puasa will be cleansed by rain, yes, and during the fasting month itself, oven hot! Unlike this year, we’ve almost come to the end of the holy Ramadhan, all cool and ‘trimmed’. Heheh, but my case, shall I say, 1-2 percent extra wobble in the arms? This during-puasa-can-diet has never worked out for me.

Okay, my guy Bigfish, is up to a huge project patronized by DBKL. He had been tres’ tres’ busy lately, working all day and night, meant literally. He’s on the path of quitting the bank job to give full wholesome concentration of this maiden project of EB Sdn Bhd. I believe this the very first time EB is officially mentioned on the net. Oo, this is on purpose since I strongly believe too, that EB will go very far in the future. Piloted by Bigfish and few of his professional peeps, I foresee very bright potential and would have to make a record here, that EB has nowhere else to go but up. Just up, God willing.

Quite a bit had happened these few days, eh? Bush has won again, up to the suite, Kerry down to the street. To the limo waiting, of course. Hehe, gotta include that. I learn from my surrounding, people around me constantly whining how done they are with Bush being the president, ruling while lagging around in the oval office. So much of him being even a human titled the most powerful man in the world. At the moment strucked the official announcement of the final count of the vote, as if I can hear the whole world sighed. Bigtime, nowhere nirvana sigh. And while everybody’s asking what’s wrong with the American people putting on throne a masked devil, even some fella American blogs rained by this questions about themselves, I’d have to ponder, where are all the supporters eh? Them who actually marked for Bush? Where are they? Okay, of course generally the people is just out there, now savouring the victory, that’s quite easy, isn’t it? No, I’m asking for the individuals. Any commoner who can give statement alone, enlighten us of infos that we not know of about this American-World politic hurly burly. Why Bush? Could somebody speak up and furnish me with simple answer? If the answer always long and complicated, forget ‘bout it. 99 percent shit, harshly said.

I’d have to state down here that I’m pretty ignorant with the political world. My dad is a die-hard. He’s from the political science line that hopped into educational industry to make good of his knowledge bit. I adore my dad beyond words, even sometimes I just tuck myself in the room when he could just go on and on and on about what’s happening in the country, especially, with high enthusiasm and emotions that even my cat can just burst out to bear. Phew, he really knows what’s going on in the world, the people we call our leaders, every fragment in the political world. Turned out to be my boyfriend too cares pretty much, and suddenly I’m the only ignorant girl that people may sometimes interpret as being indifference, couldn’t care less, or just simply dumb..?!

People, allow me to just make a short clarifications on this. I hate the fact that our political world today is just this glam movie filled with corruptions, tarnished with carthartic actions that bring not much to be valued about when we ponder hard about it. You see, when you have MONEY, you can have everything. You can buy people, power, material or immaterial bases and supporters that can push you up there, and ended up being someone we call a leader. Now after looking up high to this someone that already up there ruling and hurting our necks, tilt down your heads, look around you, around us..Violence, rapes, war, all kinds of animalistic actions toward one another. So what, more leaders to keep these things under control? How many more?

And that is why, I’m highly thankful to God that my country, my people, my family, my friends and myself, not forgetting my dogma now, Bigfish.. let us all be grateful that we are not there at the other side of the world, with bombs as music to our ears. The place where when you lost two legs, the commotion effect is just like when we cut our fingers because distracted by Kylie Minogue videoclip while cutting potato.

Our hands are tied when it comes to whatever happen in the world however much it affects our minds and emotions, I doubt the world will ever be in peace. Oh wait a minute, I recall I once learned in kelas agama that the world will be in peace, just a while, before the actual BIG day comes. Y’know the day, when the sun rises in the West. Back to me and my political ignorance, not that I against it, not that I don’t care. I’m just too busy caring for my still-messed-up self and my family, chasing the highest point of my achievement, and I sacrifice the details of the one-hour news every evening. I’ll catch up the important bits from you my friends, when we sit down having coffee later. Oh yeah, that’s why I normally quiet when you people talk about matters from the news (or maybe from other people that you heard it from too!) , what the heck, I was paying attention, you guys are my homely bunch of newscasters!

Till then, cheerio folks.

First splash - Just a spoon drop

2004-11-04T14:03:00.000+08:00

Hmm..how i love the smell of a fresh new blog. Is it vanilla splash? Or what.

So dear readers. Here lies Splashing About..which making this day the very first day of myself as a blogger.

The sky looks dark and I know it's going to rain, heavily. Talking 'bout splashing...

Oh well.